Friday, February 11, 2011

When The Heart Speaks, The Mind Become Powerless

Viva Forever, ill be waiting..everlasting, like the sun..
Live forever, for the moment..ever searching..for the one..

This one Spice Girl song really gives me goosebump. Ever since the first time I saw the video clip and listening to the melody of this melodrama-sad ballad, I can't help myself from being carried away it. The mood, the feeling, the atmosphere transformed to a bitter and painful sadness.

It suited my life right now.

I don't care whatever you might say of me, whatever description you may label me because all I feel like now is an extreme illegally mixes feeling of sadness, regret, insecure, happy, hope, joy and last but not least- lonely.

Hahahaha, agak damn di situ. That taboo last word- lonely.

I'm sad because of my 'luck' i believe. No wait, it's destiny. I feel regret because I had given quite some comfortable space for the devil to deploy his base inside my body. Insecure is caused by the nature of 'not knowing' the future. The happy one came because something that originally thought was bad is actually a healer.

Hope happen when happy came. Joy really had made a cameo return today.


Shit. It did vanquished at times but like a ghost it crept back into me. Into my soul. Deep into this one hamba Allah.

Really, this was not even consider a "matter" before. This is just a child's play I believe before but somehow it slowly became a pressing matter. Hahahahahahhaha. I started to feel the urge, the need to have someone. The need to have that one special person.

Wow, I hope that someday when I walk around the campus or faculty or college then a beautiful girl came out of nowhere smile and said to me this "I'm the special one". Like Neo in the Matrix. Yeah Mourinho too.

Hahahhahahahhahahaha. Fu**ing loser.

While my heart keep feeling it, my mind keep denying it. My mind keep sending me endless warning saying that this is not the right time to think about it. You, have plenty of more life-death matters that need your attention.

Yes, I know and I couldn't agree more. But that nagging feeling keep coming again ..and again ..and again.

Well, a bit like that.

But I do feel strange and amazed by the nature of human. Sometimes (and almost too) feelings are more powerful than thoughts. Reasoning do have their moment when they lose to 'rasa hati'. Maybe that's why Malay people have this one meaningful peribahasa for me.

"Ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa"

Eh, itu bermakna kena ikut rasa pemikiran lojik dari otak kan? Hahahaha, kurang tepat pula.

'Follow your heart, let your heart speaks to you, and you may find your true self''

Is that so? hm, acceptable. So I have to shout it out loud that I want my special one?

Ok, going to do that.

Oh wait, no I can't.





kodoku-Hime sama said...

Go find your special someone.Get loved and get hurt while you are still young !

say- O said...

old oredi....hahhaa


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