Berdiri di Situ

Amran berdiri di luar pintu itu. Sejuk, angin malam terasa mencengkam isi sampai ke tulang. Dipeluk tubuhnya untuk memberi sebanyak mungkin haba kepada badan yang kesejukan.

Bila-bila masa saja dia boleh masuk, bila2 masa saja dia tak boleh masuk. Amran tak kisah. Dia berkeras untuk berdiri di luar pintu itu.

Tatkala itu,

Mindanya merewang. Jauh berfikir, berangan dan tak tentu arah. Pelbagai perkara yang melintas di mindanya dan juga semestinya, di hatinya.

Di sebalik pintu itu...

Wujud harta bernilai kepada amran. Harta yang sangat bernilai. Jauh lagi bernilai dari nilai mata wang. Malah, tiada gantinya dengan emas permata.

Inside the room, is something that can't be find in any other places. Irreplaceable kind of thing.

And to be frank, Amran really care of that thing. He is willing to do anything to that thing, anything on behalf of that thing, anything for the best of that thing. Even to the extent, he was hurt for loving it too much. Still,

Amran masih berdiri di sebalik pintu itu.

Teguh. Tidak berganjak.

Lets Talk Football- Liverpool

End of season is coming near. Banyak liga2 utama eropah dah makin jelas siapa champion, siapa top four, siapa relegated dan sebagainya. Tapi bagi aku selaku fan Liverpool, tak terasa excited apa pun. Sebab? Mudah saja, Liverpool sekarang sudah teruk. Simple as that.

Let's talk about Liverpool.

It was (almost) all rosy under Rafa, sampailah satu season tu (2009-2010) tiba2 Liverpool macam kena virus. Draw, lose, draw memanjang, finally dapat nr. 7. Rafa kena pecat, ganti dengan Roy Hodgson. Ini bala. Super bala. halfway the season, Roy pula dipecat dan diganti dengan Dalglish. 'The King' as they call him. Jadi, dari pertengahan 2010-2011 hingga la sekarang, manager adalah Dalglish.

Honestly, i don't live zaman Dalglish adalah greatest player of Liverpool, so saya tak tau sangat apa specialnya dia ni. Just tahu, dia memang sangat tinggi kedudukannya dalam hati2 fan Liverpool. Apapun, back to business. 

Sepanjang Dalglish jadi manager ni, ada satu benda yang saya risau. It is..British Favourtism. Why? Sebab almost all players yang dia beli waktu summer dulu, adalah Brits. Almost all. Tak lupa juga, rumours yang nak dibeli juga adalah player British. Ini sangat merisaukan aku. Sebabnya mudah. English/ British players are mostly deadwood. Diorang tak kreatif, tak skillful, tak lincah. Tak ada yang seperti Xavi, Iniesta, Aimar, Messi, Torres, Robben, Modric,  Kaka, Suarez.  Dalam team England sekarang ni, yang betul2 boleh kasi gerun player opponent, hanya Rooney- Gerrard(ini pun dah makin karat)-...ha tu saja. And look at England and how they play. Boring, play super safe, not creative, and long ball. 

Sampaikan ada rumours, Liverpool targer Cattermole from Wigan. And entah berapa ramai lagi British yang melekat nama. Celaka apa?

All smiles in the beginning. All smiles.

Now, yang betul2 masuk Liverpool- Downing, Henderson, Adam, Carrol. Dari 4 orang ni, hanya Carrol yang bagi aku betul2 ada impak. Downing tu crap. Nak beat first defender pun tak lepas. Dribble tak boleh. Shoot pun off. Apa yang dia boleh buat? Pecut dan pecut dan pecut dan cross...

Henderson. See the potential, but too young to be the first eleven. Still only 21, and he's the England Under 21 captain. So, its a future purchase. TETAPI, clearly not a regular starter. Apa yang dia buat dalam most games? Sideways, backpass. Tu je.

Adam. Ini enigma. First 10-12 games, dia sangat bagus. Macam Xabi Alonso dulu2. Tapi lepas tu, total crap. Selalu foul2 bodoh, selalu mis pass, selalu robbed off the ball, tak creatif. Apa yang jadi kat dia, i don't know.

Carrol. Satu lagi enigma. Tapi, graf performance dia makin naik. I don't use the statistically method of evaluating performance, but from my own observations, he is getting better and better. From total deadwood kepada the Carrol that was in Newcastle. Keep it up man.

About this season. 

Abysmal. Should be better. Because finishing 8th or 9th is not acceptable. Plus, spending nearly 100milion should give you a better league position than this. At least, much better purchases than Downing-Henderson-Adam. You know, Liverpool main sangat bagus pada awal 10-12 games camtu. Tapi semua mula betul2 rosak bila Lucas injured. Start dari situ, Adam main macam bangang. Creativity in attacking mula hilang. Defend mula senang bolos. Pelik sungguh. Is there no backup plan for loss of Lucas? I don't know.

Striker pula rasanya tak cukup. Cuma ada dua striker yang betul2 striker dalam team ini. Suarez and Carrol. Dan saya rasa Suarez tu bukan striker. Dia lebih pada supporting striker. Dengan kata lain, orang belakang striker yang selalu bukak space-create clear chances- assist pada main striker.

Midfield talent. Sangat sedikit. Downing is not a good winger. Henderson, macam saya kata tadi- too early and raw. Spearing? Overrated. Cuma ada Maxi sebagai backup. Itupun jarang diberi peluang untuk main. Bellamy? Hanya efektif bila sebagai super sub pad later part of the game. Gerrard? He's past his best. Got to admit that.

Defence department, for me is okay. Skrtel and Agger start to form a very good partnership at the back. Enrique is what a left back should be, cuma kadang2 dia off form bahagian defend. Johnson, sama cerita dengan Enrique. So, no problem at defence.

Jadi, apa yang perlu Liverpool buat pada season depan? 

Get one out-and-out striker. Like Torres, like Villa...or Aguero, or Nistelroy. The one who knows how to bang in goals endlessly. Get one creative midfielder like Iniesta, or Modric, or Silva, or Aimar. Yang mana tahu nak dictate gameplay, tahu operate tengah space yang kecik.  Dan kalau possible, one really quality defensive midfielder yang boleh ganti Lucas bila dia injured. No more Spearing please.

 Admittedly, Liverpool missed Torres's clinical finishing.

And about Dalglish... saya sudah hilang kepercayaan dan kesabaran padanya. He is rebuilding the squad, the team. But with the purchases of the likes of Henderson, Adam, Downing? Cuba fikir, ada Arsenal, ManU, Chelsea atau City nak guna tak player2 ni kalau diberi peluang? Saya tahu, ada peraturan Homegrown and Nationality nanti dalam beberapa tahun akan datang, tapi...ini sudah sangat teruk. Tambah pula, keyakinan melampau pada Spearing dan Shelvey. Aih...both of them just average, sometimes below average.

My hope- Dalglish got sacked/ he resign. Then ganti oleh Rafa, atau Pep. Seriously, saya rasa Rafa sangat berkebolehan dalam bawa Liverpool ke depan. He never get the chance of 50-100 million money to spend on players. It had always been sell before buy. So, why not give him a genuine chance?

Tapi, kalau Dalglish masih kekal, pun ok juga. Cuma, please make sure season depan main betul2. Sedih rasanya bila tengok Liverpool hanya gah pada nama. Realitinya cumalah sebuah kelab pertengahan.

YNWA.

-End of story-

Anne dan Mapley

Tadi pergi ke mapley untuk makan malam. Tak ramai, berdua saja. Bawa nasi dari luar pulak tu. So, kitorang pun duduk dan order air. Anne panjang tu pun kita panggil. Mintak teh o' ais, air kosong dan sirap ais. Lepas tu saya bangun dan pergi pula beli ayam goreng dua ketul, untuk dijadikan lauk tambahan kepada kami berdua yang beli nasi goreng ikan masin dari kawan kami.

Sambil makan, secara tiba2 bersembang hal politik. Hal Bersih, hal hak berdemo, pasal kelayakan untuk complain, dan macam2 lagi. Kemudian, terfikir satu benda. Tak lain dan tak bukan, mereka2 yang berada depan kami, yang bergerak non-stop, beruniform hijau ini.

Anne di mapley ni.

So, mari menganalisa topik hari ini. Anne.

Maksud anne ni...if i'm not wrong it means 'brother, or handsome boy'. Gitu lah kot. Anyway, di restoran mamak (mapley), pekerja2 diorang ni biasanya customer akan panggil dengan nama anne saja.

"Anne anne, order."

"Anne, anne. *masih tak dilayan*. Fu*k anne, buat2 tak dengaq"

"Anne, kira."

"Lima ringgit 30 sen? Lima ringgit sudah la ne..."

Itu antara wajib line antara customer dengan anne. Hahahaha.

Oh dah menyimpang. Sebenarnya, saya kagum dengan anne di mapley ni. In my case, anne2 Restoran Al- Fareez Maju. Kenapa?

Basically, diorang ada dua shift. Shift daylight and shift night. Kalau pagi, tak silap saya mula jam 7 sampai 7 petang. And malamnya, 7 petang sampai 7 pagi seterusnya. Jadi, ada dua team lah. Setiap team ada division masing2. Or, tugas masing2 bagi setiap individu. Tukang buat roti- dia lah yang duk tenyeh-tebar-tumbuk roti2 untuk buat roti kosong, roti telur, roti bawang, roti sardin, roti planta dan lain2. Yang tukang goreng, dialah yang goreng segala macam nasi2 dan mee2, koetoew dan maggi. Tukang tandoori- dia yang sediakan ayam tandoori, roti naan, roti capati dan lain2 roti exotic indian origin punya. Tukang air? Semua air minuman dia buat. Tukang amik order- amik order, lap meja, layan customer. Tukang kira- kira dan pegang duit.

Itu semua bagus, ada deparment dan pengkhususan. Tapi what amazes me is their hardwork and determination-never say die attitude. Mereka ni sangat rajin. Bayangkan, dari jam 7 petang sampai lah ke 5 pagi, ada saja customer datang. Yang tukang order akan non-stop ulang alik dari meja ke meja, kemudian naik turun dapur untuk amik makanan yang dah siap. Yang tukang masak, non-stop memasak.

Bila dah habis kerja, maybe around 7 dah mula makan. Kemudian most probably akan naik atas dan tidur. Mesti tidur mati punya. Maybe akan bangun semula jam 4 petang? Who knows. Oh yeah, ada sekali tu Nitti (anne tukang kira/order paling famous kat Fareez) amik order, pukul 730 petang. Muka sembap, mata sepet lagi. Sah2 baru bangun tidur.

Nitti, anne terbaik di Fareez Maju.

Plus, they don't have weekends. Even weekends diorang kerja. Macam takda offday langsung. Kagum ada, sedih pun ada. And that give me wonders- How bad is the situation in their mainland? Kalau kat sini pun sanggup kerja macam robot everyday, for (most probably) meager payment, kat sana macam mana?

Jadi, respect to all those anne. They are true heroes to me. Especially UKM students, kalau tak Fareez Maju, mesti Ameer Ali. Sinilah tempat kami makan, tempat lepak, tempat berseronok, tempat lepas stress, tempat tengok bola, tempat usya awek hot n sexy (haha). Mana2 student UKM yang masih belum pernah ke Fareez atau Ameer Ali....facepalm je la.

Stress- free time with your close friends. Priceless.

Not to forget, harga makanan juga murah. Very profitable untuk yang nak saving duit. Jadi, mari ramai2 ke Mapley. Hidup Mapley dan Anne!!

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there was one happy community.

Komuniti itu tidaklah besar. Orangnya tidaklah ramai. Perangai dan sikap setiap orang pula lain2. Ada yang alim, ada yang syaitan, ada yang biasa2. Ada yang suka bercakap lepas, ada yang berlapik. Ada yang tegas, ada yang lemah lembut. Ada yang garang, ada yang baik. Ada yang ambil berat, ada yang abaikan saja. Pelbagai.

Mereka hidup bersama dalam keadaan yang tenang dan ceria. Selalu bersama dalam pelbagai benda. Makan bersama, bersukan bersama, beriadah bersama.

Bekerja bersama.

Bersusah bersama.

Bersenang bersama.

Bergembira bersama.

Bersedih bersama.

It all went smooth and alright for quite a long time.

But it didn't last.

One fateful event happened, one of it's member had been backstabbed by another member. From there on, things had never went cheerish and smooth. Doubts clouded every decision. Insecurity engulf every person in the community. Working together was never as satisfactory as before.

From one abyss, the community fell into another.

Sebagai satu komuniti yang ahlinya dari adam dan hawa, so with it happened the intimacy and love stories among them. Some were success, some hit the wall. Some problems were related to the relations, some were just free from it. Nevertheless, all were resolved in good manner. Kudos to those who brave and have high moral awareness in solving those problems.

However, sejarah itu berulang. Dan kadang- kadang ia berulang dengan lebih dahsyat.

Masalah yang sama berlaku. Maka seorang insan bernama Garrus ini terasa tidak sedap hati. Kalau dulu ada tok penghulu yang selesaikan masalah. Tapi itu dulu. Sekarang tuk penghulu sudah lesap meninggalkan komuniti ini demi bertapa mencari ketenangan diri. Ini tak boleh jadi.

"I have to do something. I have to repair this."

Maka Garrus berusaha menebalkan muka, menghabiskan masa mencari maklumat dan penyelesaian untuk masalah dalam komuniti itu. Garrus tahu, yang usahanya ini tidak akan disukai oleh semua ahli komuniti itu. Pasti ada yang terkecil hati. Pasti ada yang terasa. Tetapi Garrus persetankan semua itu.

Maka usaha Garrus berhasil. Tiada lagi pergaduhan. Tiada lagi salah faham. For now.

Seperti yang dijangkakan. Tidak semua yang suka. Ada yang kata Garrus terlalu keras. Terlalu direct. Terlalu penyibuk. Tetapi Garrus tidak kisah. Dia sanggup terima. All actions have their very own consequences.

And so Garrus decided. He no longer need to care much bout this community. For he is an old man in that community. He did realized that at times old people need to step down and lay low a bit. Especially when the time has come.

'Especially when the time has come'

To be honest, Garrus sendiri tidak tahu bilakah sebenarnya 'time' itu muncul. Ada masanya, dia merasakan it's time to go. Let them learn and manage themselve. But, as he let it be, it become worse as time passes by. Garrus sedar, yang dirinya cumalah orang tua biasa tiada superpower pun. Ramai lagi rakan2 dia yang lagi super. Kaidan, Ashley, Jacob, James, Mordin, Wreav are all great elders in the community. But he felt he need to move, because he can't wait for them as they are busy with other things that may defy them from these happenings in the community. Tapi...itulah.

Dengan itu Garrus decided to step back and wish them all the best.

But the best didn't happened. It became worsen.

And now, some of them in the community had put the blame on him for almost all the problems that happened. "

"Garrus awak ni perbesarkan hal kecik la"

"Garrus yang mula ajak2 buat semua ni. Kita ni atas dasar kerja, bukan bergembira"

And to some extent, they even degraded Garrus to the level of immoral bastard who doesn't deserve a soulmate. Since Garrus is outspoken, too open minded and talk dirty, so it is a danger to every human being to befriend with Garrus, let alone be his lover, they said.

Such a shocking news to Garrus, that he himself felt so flat and wasted. Such a string of strong accusations had been thrown to him, just because of his outspoken and maybe to their eyes- vulgar way of Garrus. Garrus knew that not a single person in this world is perfect. He surely has weaknesses and bad points. And he is improving himself. He knew it will be a long battle, but he keep on going. Still, he had already asked for teguran. He knew he ain't angel. He surely had done mistakes. Yet they didn't gave him one.

Nevermind.

Dengan ini hati Garrus terasa separa lega. Tiada lagi yang perlu dijaga. Tiada lagi yang perlu dipertahankan lagi. The final nail to the coffin had been put on. Dengan jangka hayatnya yang sudah uzur dan singkat, Garrus faham yang masanya sudah tiba. It's time to let go.

It's time for a rest.

Separuh lagi hati?

Terasa sedih. Kecewa.

Betrayed.

Masalah Teknologi Hebat Masa Kini

Semalam dalam pukul 11 suku camtu aku and Rohani keluar g makan kat mapley sekejap setelah amik dia kat KTM. Lapar weh, sehari penuh tak makan lagi gara2 protein drink. Anyway, kami sampai mapley dan terus duduk. Sambil2 duk sembang2 pasal event dia ke Genting awal tadi, aku perasan meja belakang aku ni macam menarik situasinya.

It's not special, just a group of 5-6 young people duduk lepak kat satu meja. They all look urban and trendy habis. Yang aweks2 2,3 orang dressing macam nak masuk club (mungkin baru balik dari club?) dan yang laki2 dress simple but still trendy. Nevermind bout that.

Tapi yang menarik tu, ada 2 aweks yang sibuk dengan smartphones/gadgets diorang. Halimah (bukan nama sebenar) sibuk dengan iPad beliau manakala Minah (bukan nama sebenar) sibuk dengan iPhone beliau.

Aku ada usya2 juga. Bukan apa pun, slide la benda tu mencari2 update FB yang best untuk komen dan like, bukak blog, bukak Twitter. Haih...

Before this I read a book named The Art of Conversation (baca separuh saja, sebab English dia terlalu British oriented, pening woi!) Ada satu paragraph yang writer tu kritik pedas punya dengan society sekarang. Dia ada tulis (lebih kurang macam ni),

" How many times we see a group of people in 4,5 people hanging out but some (if not all) of them will be busy caressing their smartphones or intelligent gadgets? When you are in a train standing next to a lone stranger, are you sensible and brave enough to start a conversation? It's a common sight to see people in a waiting situation choose to shut their mouth and put earphones into their ears and sail into their own comfortable world. "

" We lost the most basic and ancient pleasure we can have in our life- talking"

Well, agak makan dalam juga bagi aku because I done some of those actions mentioned above. Tapi kalau nak defend, guna ayat ni- "argh orang zaman sekarang tak boleh percaya. kalau baik semacam ja, ada niat jahat la tu"....

Anyway, back to Halimah and Minah.

For me it's quite irony la, keluar ramai2 lepak dekat mapley tapi last2 you bukak ipad iphone tab tablet apa bagai tu and duduk dalam dunia you sorang2. Apa guna tujuan lepak di mapley? Bersembang dan bersosial in real life kan instead of in virtual- sometimes- fake world. Kalau ingin berfacebook dan bertwitter dan blog dan macam2 lagi, no need untuk keluar lah. Okay mungkin dia bosan, atau baru gaduh dengan bf ke tapi come on...there's no need for you to put those gadgets out in front at the first place.

That's the problem. Supposedly those gadgets will make you closer to your friends but ironically it pulls you further from your (close and nearby) friends. Kawan ajak lepak dah taknak ikut, then lagi selesa duduk mengadap PC/tablet/tab dari bersembang dengan kawan2. Becoming nerdy as days past by.

No wonder la (most) gamers are nerds that look super unsociable and physically weak. Hahahaha.

That Minah and Halimah incident reminds me of anak2 orang kaya yang keluar dinner/jalan2 dengan family. Kadang2 kalau nasib baik, you can see the anak laki will have a 1.big headphone 2. stylish earphones stuck at his ears while they all satu family sedang duduk memilih menu untuk makan. I wonder, itu baru kat meja dinner. Kalau dalam kereta? Atau waktu jalan2 kat taman ke? Rebellious la konon, haha.

Oh trend sekarang juga, bagi family yang berkemampuan, ipad akan dibawa sampai ke meja restoran oleh anak2 mereka (kadang2 sampai 2,3 ipad. sorang dapat satu). Si ayah dan ibu akan meneliti menu makanan, anak2 akan main FB, Twitter, blog atau game dengan menggunakan iPad tu. Kadang2 ada yang hanya berhenti hanya time makan. Habis makan sambung main lagi. Gila. Kesian ayah tu, tujuan keluar makan ramai2 untuk bersosial dan sembang2 dengan anak. Last2 anak bersosial dan sembang2 dengan iPad. Smart.

(Don't get me wrong. I am not generalizing that all rich families are as I mentioned above. No. Just some of them were unluckily spotted by me lo. Ramai saja lagi yang bagus dan tidak seperti di atas.)

It's a bit sad, technology is acting as the double-edged sword. Mendekatkan kita dengan yang jauh, at the same time menjauhkan (kadang2 mengkurang ajarkan) kita dengan yang dekat. I have no problems with technology in fact I do melompat gembira if someone is willing to give me free iPad/iPhone/GalaxyTab/tablet tu, hahaha. Tapi penggunaannya kena control lah. Tengoklah masa dan tempat untuk guna. Be sensible and rationale.

Jangan sampai nanti bila ada someone passed away ada orang g melawat arwah sambil bawak iPad. Sampai, bagi salam, baca al-Fatihah dan lepas tu terus cari spot and duduk layan iPad tu.
Hahahahaha.

Semangat Yang Hilang (telah kembali)

Kalau dah hitam, hitam lah ia. Kalau dah gamer, gamer lah ia.

Berkali2 kata pada FB, pada Twitter, pada blog. Kata yang kononnya diri ini sudah tiada lagi jiwa gaming. Kononnya semangat gamer sudah lesap entah ke mana.

Eh tak tipu, memang dah lesap. Dalam PC ini ada about 20 games ready to be played and till today I haven't finish not even one of them, and most of them try main pun tak lagi (install pun belum). And when I say games, I mean SERIOUS GAMES. Not Mario NES, or Plants vs Zombies. What I mean is games like Batman Arkham City, Skyrim, PES, Sim City Societies, Civilization 5. Super heavy games.

So, that sacred drive to play all those games had gone AWOL. Supposedly la.

Not until baru2 ni.

When my friend bought an Xbox360 and he let me pinjam it.

It's like a dream comes true. Playing Xbox360 (or PS3) is one of my dream/impian kecik. Maka dengan peminjaman Xbox itu, segala game idaman yang hanya mampu aku lihat dan buat muka toya saja sudah mampu dimain.

Games that don't come in PC version. Castlevania-Lords of Shadows, Red Dead Redemption, Gears of War, Tekken 6, Silent Hill- Downpour. Just to name a few la.

Sometimes we can't just make assumption even though it seems 99% sure of it.

Tak sangka, semangat game dalam diri ini masih ada. Walaupun hanya certain Xbox games saja. Tapi ia masih ada.

Maybe it's in my DNA. Hahaha

Oceans

I don't know why, but this song has been haunting me since the last 3 days. Such a solemn and sad song.

Mostly about the distance felt between a husband and wife, emotionally and spiritually. Like a marriage that feels empty and dour, the emotional bond has gone away. Just like the first words heard in the intro, "It's nothing". The lyric is so simple yet meaningful and beautiful. Just enjoy the song =)

We sit in silence

A marriage license

Is all you know

All you know, all you know

We sit and chew gum

Watch television

And you know

And you know, and you know

But there's oceans between us

Light years that screen us

Oceans that drift away

Oceans that fade to grey

We sit and rot here

Resenting each year

Will you go

Will you go, will you go?

We sing the old songs

The beat box plays on

And you know

And you know, and you know

But there's oceans between us

Light years that screen us

Like oceans we drift away

[Like] oceans we fade to grey

Between us there's oceans

There's life in slow motion

Quietly we drift away

Quietly we fade to grey