Untitled

-End of Story-

How Do You Feel?

q: How do you feel?

When you can make friends by joining a special but alien society?

a: I feel happy and anxious too.


q: How do you feel?

As time passes by, those friends to you are like your siblings, fathers, mothers, grandpas, grandmas, hot girl next door, scandals and whatever it is which make you feel like dying if not seeing them even just for a day?

a: I feel blessed to God, for giving me friends like these. Friends that are more than just friends.


q: How do you feel?

When your society produced a lot of success, winning and making names among the others?

a: Of course, I'm very proud and grateful of it since it is a collective effort by everyone in that special society. It's not as easy as it looks.


q: How do you feel?

When your society was not supported by your own...supervisor/boss/employee/king/queen even though you had won almost everything you could that subsequently boost your boss name and pride?

a: I feel gutted and confused.


q: How do you feel?

Lately, your society was quietly and slowly being straggled by stupid and unreasonable rules/ reasons that in truth are suffocating you and damaging your society from working?

a: I feel betrayed and trapped.


q: How do you feel?

When you yourself was back- stabbed by one of your own friend in the society?

a: This I can't explain how. It's a terrible thing. Very, very terrible.


q: How do you feel?

When you realize that your boss is quietly sending his agent/s to watch your society? When your boss is recruiting your society's friends as his/her aids..?

a: I believe that he/she wants to suppress us. This is near to the limit.


q: How do you fe..

Shut the fuck up. Enough. Enough.

---------------------------------------------------

I don't understand. I can't see the intentions. I can't put in some logic reasoning. I don't fucking understand it.

Why? Why does X despise us so much? Ok, why does X didn't support us? Why does X literally abandon us?

Are we unproductive? Are we useless? Did we won nothing? Hell no, that can't be right. We won things. A lot. Every time a tournament happened, our name are always up there. We produced, we performed, we won.

Are we arrogant? Are we 'vulgar'? The only thing that might be is..we created a lot of noise at night. Hell yeah that's what we are. We are not practicing chess. We are not librarians.

If there is anything else, speak. Tell us. Explain. Don't straggle us. Don't suppress us. Don't act as if nothing happened.

Arghh, this is going nowhere, I know. This might be just a long-stupid-mumbling from an old man. But this old man saw what he didn't expect to see. This old man experience the harsh treatment that is unexplainable to be done.

This old man can't see any reasoning anymore. His heart is blackened by pure hatred and being corrupted away. No repentance.

So, it's true that after all love do can breed hatred.

-End of story-

Primadona

Cantik parasmu bagai primadona.

Baik budimu oh luar biasa.

Terbang selalu wahai primadona.

Ilusi warnamu kau sungguh berbeza.

Terserah padamu.

Teguhkah imanku ?

Terpulang padamu..

Malam bulan tanpa bintang,

Beribu sepi tak berteman,

Merenung jauh di hariku,

Asyiknya oh pelangimu..

*Primadona- The Times*

These Are The Days of Our Lives

The unexpected had became real.

This morning I went to one possibly last class of this semester. In my term it surely won't be the last for me but one thing that's for sure is it will be the last for my classmates. The last for big majority of my batch.

Meaning, it will be the last best time we see each other bar examination or, VIVA.

It might be the last time I'll be with them.

Not everyone showed up at the class (as expected) but still a strong 40 something attended. We were entertained by the last group performance (i prefer performance) which turned out a success even though they performed a forum. Why success? Because a vampire girl appeared in the middle of the forum. Brilliant idea.

Then the extreme part. The end-of-class speeches. Every group representatives were asked to give a bit of comments about the performances. And so the speech began...one said that we were great and talented, one said that we are capable of handling pressure, one applaud ourself for the efforts we had poured in, one talked more on the light side, one ....

Lastly it was Prof Yang's turn to give in her speech. She said the typical things that she always said to her students- dreams, hard works and never-give-up attitude. Diamonds. Rough diamonds being polished to brilliant ones. Memories. Enjoy the moments. One thing i really like about her is, she's a great motivator and she cares about us. A bit like Kawato Sensei in Rookies.

After her powerful speech, we had a photography session for all groups. Everyone was smiling, enjoying the moments. Me? Sitting and laughing and joking around with friends but deep inside,it's a rocking sea.

Everyone was relishing those moments since they are going to leave this university soon. They are about to depart from each other. But not me. I'll be here for another quite long period. And so the undesired feel happened- the what ifs?. Again. The questions keep bombarding my mind- What if I...What if I never joined... What if I didn't....?

Well, God knows best.

With a deep breath, I made my way to my SV room. I had decided. Be brave, face him and accept the consequences. It's my own mess, I have to clean it up. Once again my prediction failed. He was not mad at me. He didn't left me out in the cold. He encouraged me. Yes there was a slight of disappointment in his eyes and that's understandable but..to give me assurance and encouragement where other people might had looked down and bad-talking...that's a miracle for me.

I was deeply touched by those two separate events. The last class and the brief meeting with SV.

Yes I admit I made mistakes along the way. Sometimes I was off the road, sometimes I didn't even was around the road. Sometimes I tried too hard, sometimes I didn't even try. But put it all aside, all is not lost. I still have time for a little redemption. It may not be great enough to turn things all around but it's never a waste to give a shot.

Everything happens for a reason. I am what I have done. I know it.

Just like what Freddie sang in These Are The Days of Our Lives

"No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did, when you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids. Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know. Better sit back and go with the flow,."

These Are the Days Of Our Lives- Queen




Sometimes I get the feelin'
I was back in the old days - long ago
When we were kids when we were young
Things seemed so perfect - you know
The days were endless we were crazy we were young
The sun was always shinin' - we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
The rest of my life's been just a show

Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing is true
When I look and I find I still love you

You can't turn back the clock you can't turn back the tide
Ain't that a shame
I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
Better sit back and go with the flow

Cos these are the days of our lives
They've flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find no change

Those were the days of our lives - yeah
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing's still true
When I look and I find
I still love you

I still love you

-End of story-

The Show Must Go On!

The Show Must Go On- Queen

Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score..
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on!Yeah!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.
Another heartache - another failed romance.
On and on...
Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess i'm learning
I must be warmer now..
I'll soon be turning, round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!

The Show must go on!
The Show must go on! Yeah,yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking...
But my smile, still, stays on!
Yeah! oh oh oh

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die,
I can fly, my friends!

The Show must go on! Yeah!
The Show must go on!
I'll face it with a grin!
I'm never giving in!
On with the show!

I'll top the bill!
I'll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!
On with the,
On with the show!

The Show must go on.

Be strong, be decisive and be bold. Doubts happen to come, that's normal. At hard time, there's always hope at the end of struggle no matter how painful it is. And after all, He knows what's best for us.

Everything happens for a reason.

Faith.

Weapons Of Mass Destruction (WMD)

*First of all, ni adalah material yang aku hasilkan untuk blog kimia. sama saja. just nak repost kat sini. Sebab apa repost? Sebab aku yang tulis,hahaha

____________________________________________________________

Ok, post ini mungkin berbunyi tidak serius dan tidak 'ilmiah'. Nak buat camana, ini adalah style aku. Nak serius2 sila baca Blog Serius.

Korang semua pernah dengar tak WMD which is weapons of mass destruction? Hm? Tak pernah? Kalau macam tu, Iraq kena serang dengan USA kononnya sebab apa? Yeah baby anda betul! Kononnya sebab WMD ini lah.

Apa benda sebenarnya WMD ni? Baik, WMD ini secara senangnya adalah senjata yang mampu membunuh dan membawa ancaman besar kepada manusia, alam binaan , alam sekitar dan biologikal alam ini. Since nama pun Weapons off Mass Destruction kan,hahahaha. Bagaimanapun, skop dan konsep WMD ini berubah mengikut masa.

Dulu, carpet bombing pun dikira sebagai WMD sebab ianya mass dan destructive. Tapi manusia makin bijak dalam berfikir dan mencari helah. Maka wujudlah senjata WMD ini dalam konteks chemical, biological, radiological and nuclear.

Pengeboman karpet

Jika diikutkan sejarah, sejak dari zaman abad 10/11 lagi manusia sudah menggunakan taktik WMD ni. Tambah lagi waktu Perang Salib antara Kristian dan Muslim. Caranya?Korang tahu kan trebuchet tu apa? Catapult? Dengan menggunakan trebuchet (ataupun catapult), pihak menyerang akan menggantikan blok2 batu dengan plague- infected bangkai kerbau/mayat pihak lawan, ataupun kepala pihak lawan yang sudah dipancung dengan cantiknya.

So bila mayat2 apa bala ni semua masuk dalam territory opponent, maka mereka tiada peluang yang clear untuk uruskan benda ni (plus rasa jijik/horror/ lemah semangat). Maka merebaklah plague dari bangkai2 ini. Lembiklah defenders of the wall, dan mudahlah mereka untuk menembusi seraya menakluki kota itu.

Uncang tu diorang gantikan batu dengan bangkai lembu/mayat/kepala orang

Ok itu zaman kuno.

Masuk ke zaman abad 20 (1900-2000). Pada suku awal abad ini umum tahu yang dunia sedang jatuh cinta dengan peperangan. WW I tahun 1914-1918 dan WW II tahun 1939-45 adalah benchmark terbaik. Sepanjang tempoh ini, banyak inovasi yang terhasil demi kemenangan masing2. Antara senjata WMD terawal yang diguna pada zaman WW I adalah gas mustard. Hoi, bukan sos mustard yang korang boleh pilih bila beli subway tu, tapi ini gas kimia yang merbahaya.

Gas Mustard (a.k.a sulfur H) ini diklasifikasi sebagai vesicant, bermakna ia mampu menghasilkan blisters dan lesions pada kulit malah ke dalam sistem respiratori. Ini sangat merbahaya. Sekali sedut, masuk jantung terus. Sekali terdedah, habis melecur kulit. Tak lupa juga banyak yang buta sebab lapisan membran mukus mata tu sangat sensitif. Kalau nak tengok effek dia , boleh la tengok movie All Quiet on The Western Front.

Forever deformed

Oh lupa, Sebenarnya ia bukannya gas, cuma liquid yang tebal dan volatile. Warnanya kuning, dan baunya macam bawang sket. Oh ini blog kimia, kena letak chemical structure sket. Nama i.c dia

Bis (2-chloroethyl) sulfide

Ada lagi, banyak lagi yang diguna masa WW I. Tapi kita skip.Then, yang next glamour is gas Sarin. Bunyi macam nama awek kan, tapi horror sebenarnya gas ni. Apa yang horror? Gas ini takda bau dan warna malah mencapai tahap deadly even dalam dose 0.5 miligram. Experts juga kata, yang gas ni 500x lebih bagus dari cyanide. Cyanide? Mostly setiap officer/ general/ spies zaman WW dulu akan ada stok pill cyanide dalam poket. Ini bertujuan untuk digigit dan mampos terus supaya segala rahsia tak berjaya dikorek oleh opponent.

Ok, balik pada sarin. Kes paling diingat adalah pada Mac 1995 kat Jepun oleh group religious cult Aum Shinrikyo. Ahli2 mereka melepaskan gas sarin pada beberapa critical point kat Tokyo subway system, membunuh 11 dan mencederakan more than 5500. Casualties agak minimized since asrin tu dalam bentuk liquid, so pihak keselamatan sempat nak seal the infected area. Antara simptom2 gas ini: miosis, sakit kepala, dyspnea, nausea, ocular pain, blurred vission, vomiting, coughing dan muscle weakness. Kalau kronik dia attack sistem respiratori dan kardiopulmanori.

Serangan gas (liquid) Sarin di Tokyo Subway system

Seterusnya, kita pergi pula pada Iraq. Nanti, korang jangan kata Iraq tu suci okay. Iraq semasa hujung 80an dan awal 90an adalah pengamal tegar senjata WMD sub- biological ni. Buktinya? Ini buktinya.

Jangan kata Saddam Hussein tu Muslim yang warak ye

Mustard itu dah pasti, Tabun dan nerve agent pulak yang baru dengar kan? Ringkasnya, tabun ni tiada colour dan rasa. Cuma ada bau sket2 macam buah. Efek kalau kena? Fuh, panjang. Nervousness/restlessness, miosis, rhinorrhea, excessive sallivation, dsypnea, sweating, bradycardia, loss of consciousness, convulsions, flaccid paralysis, hilang kawalan kencing dan berak, apnea dan lung blisters. Efek2 semua ni akan muncul secara pelan2 selepas diabsorbed gas tabun ini..

O-ethyl S-(-2-diisopropylaminoethyl) methylphosphonothioat

Sebenarnya, ada banyak lagi senjata WMD sub-biological yang super merbahaya seperti anthrax (yang pernah famous melalui surat disapu bedak anthrax), soman, cyclosarin, GV dan cyanogen chloride. Kesannya, bahan2 yang diperlukan untuk penghasilan senjata kimia ini dikawal ketat flownya. Meaning, keluar masuk dan jual beli adalah sangat restricted.

Dalam kelas pagi ini, Prof Jalifah ada bercerita tentang chemist yang tahu benda2 kimia. Prof Ambar pun ada berkata yang chemists adalah orang yang ada 'solution' dan hot property lah senang crita. That's why bila perang pihak yang diserang akan menyelamatkan saintis2 (physicist/chemists) habis- habisan dan pihak menyerang akan cuba menawan saintis2 ini. Kesannya jelas sekali, boleh mencipta teknologi dan senjata baru demi kegunaan perang.

Apapun, bersyukurlah kerana Malaysia belum pernah mengalami peperangan moden yang menggunakan senjata non-konvensional seperti WMD ini. Cuba bayangkan ketika kita tengah tunggu KTM kat KL Sentral punya hub, tiba2 ada orang lepaskan gas mustard atau sarin. Apa nak buat ketika tu?

This is Definitely My Promise

And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes it was my way

One day..yes one day I will surely sing this song. With pride. With accomplishment. With satisfaction.

Las Palabras Del Amor

Looking at some of the wonders of the modern world. Want to know what it is? Your handphone. No I'm not going to talk about the technology marvels. Instead, the irony of it.

Handphone can deliver SMS. SMS is a genius invention. Short messaging system that simplify everything. Sepatutnya lah.

Tapi kan, kalau bila dah SMS tapi tak jawab, macam mana? Ok ini bukan soal gf/bf/tackle awek/tackle pak guard ke, tapi secara am dan umumnya.

Adalah sangat mengecewakan bila kita menghantar mesej pada seseorang tapi tanpa reply pun. Apatah lagi kalau mesej itu berbentuk soalan dan ajakan. Tidak kisahlah ajakan untuk makan mahupun bertanya apa yang diajari dalam kelas hari ni sekalipun, ia masih berbentuk soalan.

Dan sedihnya, bila tiada jawapan balas.

Jawablah. Kalau tidak mahu dan tak setuju pun, jawablah dengan huruf 'x' sekalipun. Kerana jika tidak, ianya beracun. Ia mampu membuatkan si penghantar SMS mencurigai dirinya. Adakah diri saya ini buat salah? Adakah salah timing? Adakah mereka habis kredit? Adakah karma?

Atau adakah aku ini tiada nilainya langsung?

And all for fear and all for greed,
Speak any tongue,
But for god’s sake we need,
Las palabras de amor

A Memorable Day

With all the problems of mine being put aside, I would like to share with you my personal experiences that are 'first times'. Hahahaha, wait burades ando sishuta, there's nothing sexual going to be written here. Just cool and relax.

1. My First Time- Playing Video Game

Hm...honestly I can't quite remember when it happened. Maybe in the year 1994, or perhaps 1993. The God-sent machine is the classic MicroGenius. It was a similar type to NES. The year when gaming was all about commitment, mental strength, and unbreakable desire to stare at your big shining black box for 5-6 straight hours. Games that are legendary for me are such as Batman, Street Fighter 2, Ninja Turtles, Robocop and one Ninja Game that mostly run fast and jump highly onto trees. A very cool game. Oh not to forget, this fella really bring back sweet gaming memories.

Contra- Legendary. Forever

2. My First Time- Going to School

Yeah baby...this will forever etched in my mind. This is one of my special moment with my abah. That day he was the one who sent me to school. Abah is a smart and handsome man. His most frequent sentences- "abah smart dak?"haha..On that day, while other daddy wore very simple clothes like a black pant and simple t-shirt with kopiah, abah dressed like a real office man. He is in different class.

Then, the first place he brought me inside the school is? Toilet. I don't know about other guy, but that's where he brought me first. He taught me what to do when I felt like having to pee or dump. All those simple yet extremely important things were explained and taught. Hahaha, he didn't want me to mess my trousers or worst, berak dalam seluar just like what happened to my classmate in the coming days. Hahaha, abah hangpa tak ajaq..tudia la.

This one is 6x cleaner than that toilet

3. My First Time- Getting Great Marks

It was when I was in Darjah 5-6 I think. Those days, I was amongst the brightest pupils. Whenever examination results came out, I was the regular holder of top 5. Never was I got 6 or below..what a talent. Hahahaha. Especially my English, if not first it will be 2nd highest. All thanks to my brother Pahlavi for introducing some great English bands to me like Pulp, Blur, Oasis and Sleeper. Aha, almost forgotten. Eventhough I was a great achiever at that time but inexplicably I (with the whole classmates) were labelled as arrogant. Haih..even till now I can't figure out why the teachers did so. Misteri sampai mati rasanya.

Just A+? Very general

4. My First Time- Getting Great Reward

Well, as far as I can remember it had to be my PSone. Hell yeah, the one and only console video game that I craved so much during my final years at elementary school. At first I asked my abah if he could give me a PSone as a congratulation present for my UPSR's 5As and his reaction was quite unconvincing..sorry abah, susahkan abah pula time tu. To my surprise at one fateful afternoon he returned home with it!! And to my..disenchantment, he didn't brought me with him to buy it..which resulting in he picked 90% free war games...haha. Anyway, thanks abah. Sampai skarang pun ok lagi PSone tu.

It functions well only for those who treasured it

5. My First Time- Accident

It happened when I was 5 years old. That afternoon I was planning to play some bendera with my big brother, Nasruddin. You know..stuff like making one flag with a pole and a Jalur Gemilang then run around shouting, laughing..all those kid's things. So, he hold the pole with his left hand while the other hand was searching the top of a quite high cupboard. So, I as a good helping brother, I climb the small ledge of the cupboard. Searched, nothing found. I jumped down. Vertically.

My chin hit the iron pole perfectly. Lost senses for about 10 seconds then all hell's broke loose. My mother frantically asked for neighbour's help for a car (my father went to army camp with his car) and my neighbour Pak Wan generously drove me and my mother to hospital. There I undergo minor stitching operation. I can't remember for how many stitches and I can't even remember how much pain I felt along that stitching job. Ow yes, at the final touches by the doctor, my father showed up, in his smart army officer uniform. Smiling, he said "sakit dak? takpa sikit ja tu." Hahaha, nakai sungguh.

Most likely, that hurts

Seriously, there are aplenty more. But..lain kali lah. If you have your moments too, feel free to share. I'm open=)