In The Beginning

In the beginning,

You are a like a hooded man. No one knows who you are. But they accept you. Everyone loves you, everyone is comfortable with you.

Then as time passes by, people started to learn who you are all based on

What you are,

What you do,

What you show,

and

How you treat others.

You shaped what you are. It all depends on you.

Yes.

No other people. Just you.

-End of story-

The End of the Past, and the Beginning Of a New Year

Ini trendy punya event. Setiap kali hujung tahun, meaning hari last sesuatu tahun tu, maka setiap orang akan mula reflect balik pada the whole year and analyzed the achievements or sadly the failures that occurred throughout the year. Malangnya, sepanjang 22 tahun hidup ni, saya tak pernah pun buat list azam tahun ini.

Selalunya dulu2, bila ditanya apa azam baru maka jawapan yang cliche wajib saya bagi adalah...

"to be better than before."

Aiya. That's...too general and perhaps too cowardly maybe. So, tahun depan (esoknya) I want to change. Change to a more specific list of new determination (azam?) that I want to accomplish by the end of 2012. I'll print it and tick whichever that achieved at times. Influence to do so? Blogger nama Lucius Maximus (a very wise man) dan juga abang sulung saya. He said, numerously,

"life kena ada target. Dalam 5 tahun lagi apa akan ada? Masuk ofis, target hari ni apa nak setel? Penting target tu. Adanya target, baru ada motivation to fulfill it."

So true.

Anyway, this is my list of things to be achieved in the year of 2012. Some of them are serious, some are like "seriously? itu pun target ke?". Anyway, here it is.

1. Memastikan yang solat wajib 5 waktu itu lebih terjaga kebajikannya. Saya ni pemalas, saya ni pelupa. Saya bukannya alim.

2. Lebih kerap telefon mak dan abah. Selalunya mereka yang telefon dulu. Tak bagus, tak bagus.

3. Menamatkan pengajian Ijazah Sarjanamuda Kimia di UKM tersayang ini. Meaning, berusaha bersungguh- sungguh pada sem akhir ini. Insyallah.

4. Menghadiri sekurang- kurangnya TIGA (3) majlis ceramah agama. Ya, 3 saja minimum. The more, the better.

5. Menghabiskan minimum ENAM (6) buah buku bacaan sepanjang tahun 2012 ini. Bermakna puratanya sebuah buku dalam 2 bulan. Again, the more the better. FourFourTwo, Budak Getah, Naruto tak dikira.

6. Mengurangkan perbelanjaan harian menjadi maximum purata RM10 sehari. The less, the better.

7. Mengurangkan berat badan sebanyak 12 kilo. Meaning, puratanya sebulan turun 2 kg. No pain, no gain.

8. Mempunyai pengalaman bekerja selama sebulan minima hatta mendapat gaji pertama dalam hidup ini. Kerja sambilan yang biasa2 saja. Kedai roti, kedai makan, KFC, McD, anything.

9. To love my family as much as I should. To be a good friend to all my friends. To love her as I should, to care for her as much as I can.

10. Buff up and muscle up my body. Meaning, utilizing the dumbbell that I bought to the maximum. Maximizing the big body that Allah blessed to me. Again, no pain, no gain.

Okay, some sounds silly and some sound serious enough. Still, that's what I want to do and achieve in the year of 2012. Apa? 2012 Kiamat? Cool guys. Allah berfirman yang nobody knows except Him. Problem?

Looking back to the whole 2011...it was a year of mixed events and feelings. At one time I was very jiwa kacau. Next moment I am very cool, calm and composed. Some things I have accomplished. Some I didn't expect to happened at all. Nevermind, itu la kelemahan bila tiada list target. Tak dapat nak cek balik apa pencapaian yang lalu.

In the future, only Allah knows what will happen. I might achieve all my target, or I may have to contempt with some targets left unattended. I might as well no more breathing in this world. Who knows right? We meager human can only plan while He is the one who make it happen.

Special mention, thanks to my dear for your presence in my life. You had brought a new dimension to my life=)

Anyway, Happy New Year. Selamat Menyambut Tahun 2012=))

The Call

Yesterday night, i got a call from my family. Haha, a normal call from my mum, then passed to Din-Peruto- Abah. Then this is just about the conversation with me and abah.

Me : Hello abah.

Abah : Hello. Sihat? Ni, dalam FB pasaipa gambaq kandar pakai spek? Sakit mata ka?

Me : Eyh dak aih, saja ja pakai spek time tu. Ok pa, hehe.

Abah : Abah duk tengok profile FB kandar. Pastu duk baca yang kandar tulis pasai first time pi sekolah, yang abah ajaq guna toilet tu.

Me : Oh, haha.

Abah : Awat tulis sikit sangat? Tulis yang abah pakai baju army pegawai tu, ada yang pakai topi, kat pinggang ada pistol Brownie. Yang tu baru betui2 smart.

Me : Eh, haha. Yang tu yang lama. Ada lagi yang baru. Dan lepas ni nak buat satu sambungan lagi pasai abah. Haha.

Abah : Oh camtu. Bagus2. Ni raya cina bla3~~mengaji bla3~~duit bla3~. Ok jaga diri k. Bye.

Me : Bye.

Hahahahaha, typical abah. Smart and hensem as always. And caring as always. I'm glad and grateful that I have my dad. Some people weren't as lucky as mine. Love you abah.

Devour

Men Eat Men

Ever heard the word cannibalism? Bet you've heard it, or read it, but please not practicing it, haha. Well, to start things, it is just a complete absurd topic to discuss actually since it involve practices of cutting and eating human flesh in pure raw condition or perhaps, masak lemak cili api. Hahahahaha lame joke.

Anyway, as written above, cannibalism is generally the act of eating other human. The main reason why do people resort to cannibalism are vary but there are 3 main motivations la. 1st, cannibalism for nutrition and desperate times. 2nd, cannibalism for revenge and traditions and lastly cannibalism purely by criminal mind and thoughts.

In some area, the sources of meat and protein are very scarce and precious and thus they developed the taste and lust for human flesh. However, some tribes practice cannibalism as a method of revenge or punishment for crimes, or traditional ritualistic, or even magic.

The Reason Behind

Contohnya, ada satu kaum Wari dalam kawasan hutan Amazon. They practiced cannibalism till the late 0f 1950's. Wari famous sebab habit makan musuh dan juga saudara yang dah mati. Kalau yang makan musuh tu, lebih pada tindakan celebration. Tapi, the act of eating dead relatives are more to...respect. In their society, burial is not accepted and they believe that when a person die, every belongings need to be destroyed. Including his remain. They believe that this will prevent the soul from being attached to the remaining property or body thus make them free to be reborn as pigs. Solution? Eat the body. Problem solved.

Ada juga belief yang mengatakan kalau makan badan orang especially bahagian yang tough dan penuh hard- strong muscle maka pemakan tu akan serap kekuatan muscle tu. And tak kurang juga yang percaya dengan makan orang, maka orang itu akan hidup dan become part of him in his body. Macam game la pulak.

In modern civilization like this 20th century, cannibalism still exist and running. Haha. Jangan ingat dah pupus, ada lagi....Anyway, the motivation for cannibalism in the 20th century, well mostly are done by twisted minds who had troublesome past and traumatic and abusive childhood life. There are some cases where the perpetrators are just purely sadistic and sick, but mostly are not. Some cases, cannibalism just happened because of desperate times. No foods for weeks, no meats, no nothing. Only flesh, but in human form. That look tasty and saviour enough.
So, dalam dunia ni, banyak sudah kes2 cannibalism yang terjadi. Dari zaman classics, sampai la ke new millenium.

Some stories...hm,

The Aztecs

In their religious belief, Gods only give blessings after they offer some sacrifices. And sacrifices are in human form, sometimes seorang dua, sometimes hundreds and maybe thousands. Kenapa bukan bentuk mainan, emas, kambing, ayam-saya tak tahu. Awalnya, they will pierce their body parts as a sort of pleasing their Gods. Later, they resort to giving fresh- beating human hearts to Gods.

You ever watched Apocalypto? Remember the scene when the hero and his friends were led to the top of the pyramid and slaughter one by one? Yes that's what they in reality did during sacrificing ceremony. Cabut jantung bawak keluar, bakar. Badan pulak ditolak jatuh bawah biar golek2 turun tangga. Kalau mangsa tu noble guys, or very brave people, so his body will be carried down the steps. Kind of respect maybe. Oh, the bodies yang jatuh golek2 tu, diorang akan potong2 dan masak dan makan. For them, the greatest delicacies of all is human flesh. Favourite parts? Hands and thighs.

Depiction, in graphic.

Ugh.


The Alexander 'Sawney' Beane Family

Then in the modern time...plenty to story. Such as...the Alexander Sawney Bean. The Bean family. Cerita diorang, macam tak lojik. Started with Alex separating himself from his family and subsequently met a girl. They went to live together-in a cave. A deep cave that was so inconvenient to live in- it will be flooded twice a day (it's near the ocean). Their food resource- human. Mana2 orang yang lalu jalan depan gua itu akan ditangkap dan jadi makanan.

This practice was well run for 3 generations. Alex, anak dia, cucu dia. Hensem. So, about 40+ family members all raised with human flesh as food. Nothing else. Finally they got cought when they miscalculated a raid. Outnumbered, they treat back to their cave and their fate was sooner than later, sealed. With an army of 400 men armed with muskets and swords, they stormed the cave and what they saw was true hell. Imagine butcher shops, but along the deep cave. The family did try to resist, but obviously failed. They were tortured and given slow, painful death. Suits their own evil deeds done to their victim. Oh this story happened in the 17th century.

The entrance of the cave

Crazy.


Isei Sagawa

Ini adalah satu daripada beberapa kisah kanibal yang outstanding dalam memori. Ringkasnya, this is about a Japanese student nama Isei Sagawa. Isei ni, seorang yang nerd la senang cerita. Kurus panjang, pakai spek, muka nerd, cakap lembut cam pmpuan. Nerd lah. Waktu dia kecik, dia ada mimpi/harapan (?) yang dia dan abang dia dimasuk dalam periuk, dimasak hidup2 untuk jadi dinner someone's else. Memang psycho. Sejak tu, he always had a dream of devouring young, white, tall and beautiful European woman.

The chance came when he was in his university at Japan. He had a woman German lecturer, beautiful and tall. One day he sneaked to her apartment and found her sleeping with minimum clothes. Aroused, he searched for an object to stab or knock her out. Fortunately for the lecturer, she woke up. She screamed and that screaming made Isei fled the place. Close enough

However, his breakthrough came a few years after that when she studied at Paris. Majoring in Literature and languages, she had a classmate named Renee Hartevelt, a bright-intelligent Dutch woman. He seduced her with his knowledge and literature, and it was not long till she came to had a dinner with him at his place. When she left, dia jilat balik pinggan, chopstick yang Renee guna. Feeling high,he decided next time she'll be in his stomach.

And the day arrived. Same story as before, but this time she was asked to sit in japanese style and read poems. He recorded her poem reciting, and as she finished he shot her at the head. And there it was a beautiful white tall fresh meat in the shape of a women. Next, he cut her body slice by slice, at whichever part that he desired at that time. Breasts, thighs, arms, anywhere. Sambil makan, sambil layan bacaan poem Renee tadi. Oh lupa , sebelum potong2 tu, he had sex with her dead body dulu. Eh ke dah potong sket baru buat? Anyway, bila dah simpan stok dalam peti ais, balance body tu camna? Kasi potong2 dan muat dalam beg pakaian.

Tapi Sagawa ni gelabah lebih. Sampai kat tasik, dia nak campak beg tu tapi berat sangat. Time struggle nak angkat beg tu, orang dah mula perhati. Takut dan cuak tahap meletup, dia lari dan tinggalkan beg tu. Bangang. Next few days, he got caught but miraculously he was let free thanks to the loophole in laws and a bit of influence from his father power.

What happened next, was sick. He returned to Japan and showered with publicity, and fame, and money. He published/commercialized anything that can be milked out from the Renee case. He give interviews, tv shows, talks, draw comics, draw portraits, anything. He even star in porno movies. And now he is living peacefully. Mindfuck sungguh. Japanese people are weird. Extremely weird.

Sagawa in his glamour days

Rantau Berdekatan?

Maybe some of you will ask- is there any act of cannibalism in Malaysia. From my little knowledge of it, I believe Malaysia is still safe from it. No reports of cannibalism yet in Malaysia. Kalau paling dekat pun, kes Mona Fandey kerat mangsa kepada 18 pieces. Anyway, Thailand and Indonesia do have records of cannibalism. China? Mesti ada. Sup bayi pun ada.

Dalam kes2 kanibalisme yang jadi, kebanyakan pelaku akan mengatakan bahawa daging manusia yang dimakan itu terasa istimewa dan memberi satu macam tenaga yang unik. Some even claim that human flesh is a bit tough than beef or chicken. Some even cooked with onions, make soup of human head. Mostly, consume it rare.

Sad, Cold Truth

Kalau difikirkan dari otak logik manusia biasa- apa kejadahnya makan badan manusia? Takde benda lain nak makan dah ke? Yes it is unacceptable for us, but strangely it is the delicacies of the highest level for the cannibal. As stated before, most of the cannibal (modern time) are trouble-minded people. From the early ages they had been exposed to abuses and lack of love. Albert Fish, Ed Kemper, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, all had trouble childhood and the lack of love and care from their parents. So, untuk mengelakkan lahirnya criminal2 macam ni...love your children~ Haha it sounded absurd, but that's the truth.

Ouh, kalau dalam Islam (if i'm not wrong, kalau salah, correct me), tak apa untuk makan daging manusia tetapi hanyalah pada masa darurat dan terdesak yang amat sangat. Just for the minimum continuity of energy needed to live. Hopefully, keadaan darurat tu tak akan tiba di Malaysia. Anyway, you have the gut to eat someone's gut?

-End of Story-

Politic- Politik- Holier Than Thou

Dengar cerita bulan Januari nanti akan ada PRU ke berapa tah untuk Malaysia Negaraku. Itu mungkin antara sebab kenapa paper dan berita2 TV makin giat bercerita tentang kebaikan kerajaan dan keburukan pembangkang? It's just around the corner, or so they say. Anyway,

Doesn't really matter to me.

Dengar cerita sem depan (memang selalu pun) akan mula kempen PRK untuk universiti tersayang UKM ini. PMFST pun dah makin kerap dengan event2, ceramah dan poster. Macam biasa, entah kenapa Aspirasi punya jentera/event/ fliers/ aura macam tak sampai kat aku. Atau student lain juga. Why? Too confident? Anyway,

Doesn't really matter to me.

But then something happened last night. I post a status in FB that is

"Hangat isu turun bendera, pakcik ludah, mahasiswa politik. Saya rasa, adalah lebih baik kita semua layan Skyrim dan 9gag dari berpolitik, bermusuhan, berdendam, berpecah belah dan berkontroversi. Hati senang, pengetahuan bertambah, jiwa pun terhibur."

And I received one comment.


"mahasiswa malaysia yg akan lead negara masa depan, if asyik berhibur je, mmg otak kosong dan negara boleh lingkup"


*Poker face untuk 4 saat*

Walauuuweiii. Dia ni...kenapa?

Haha, I thought the holier than thou syndrome are specific to religious zealots only... but seems like I was wrong. Politic believer pun ada. Dahsyat.

Let me make it clear first. Aku tiada masalah jika kamu nak sokong pembangkang mahupun kerajaan mahupun Namewee mahupun Ibrahim Ali mahupun Anwar mahupun Najib mahupun sesiapa saja. Your belief, your reasoning, your principles, all yours. Who am I to force you to change? I'm also ok if you want to get active with politics, be it kampus one or the real Malaysia one as long as you don't get into my personal zone and intimidating me.

Tapi yang ini memang kurang ajar, least to say.

I never had a conversation/discussion/chat/talk with her about politics. I never had accused her of blasphemy (?, haha) by her political stand. But suddenly out of nothing, she became a holy judge and put verdict to me. Like a boss.

Did she really know me? To easily accuse me of bakal jadi otak kosong and pelingkup negara? Hahahaha, legend! Ok first, dia sedar tak yang status aku tu berbunyi humorous dan tak mengajak pada mana2 pihak politik pun? Dia tahu tak Skyrim tu apa? 9gag kalau tak tahu, hah memang dia langsung tak berhibur dalam hidupnya.

That status I posted was a personal reply to all the mess of politic yang macam cawan tumbuh lepas hujan dalam Facebook. Isu student UPSI yang turunkan bendera ada gambar Najib kat Dataran Menara Dato' Onn- ini punca habis keluar video pemuda UMNO mana tah nak ludah dan penyepak budak tu. I don't want to discuss this matter, since I'm not interested in politics. Kalau nak bincang, pi join ceramah politik kat luar sana.

Politik...politik itu kotor. Politic itu wujud zaman berzaman, memang kita tak boleh lari. Semenjak dari zaman Rom sampailah ke kerajaan Islam ke Church power ke Kesultanan Melaka ke Malaysia hari ini pun, politik tetap wujud. There's a saying " Behind every great wealth, there is a crime." The same can be applied to politics. No one can appease everyone. There will always be ugly truths.

And you, to say that game is worthless shit yang buat otak kosong. Yes ianya shit kalau korang main free online games yang boleh kontrol character tu untuk tukar2 fesyen baju then dapat point tinggi2 (girls know what I mean). But not if you play Dragon Age Origins, Mass Effect, Fallout 3 and Deus Ex Human Revolution (to name a few). Dalam game2 ni, you learned how to create a strong team spirit. You learn how to appease others. You learn when to be ruthless, when to show compassion. You learn the ugly truth of politics.

In specific, Dragon Age Origins need you to enter the politics of power by the Templars and the opression of the Mages by the Templars. In Mass Effect, you have to choose either championing Human cause or be diplomatic and compassionate with other alien races thus sacrificing Human needs and rights. In Fallout 3 you have to choose between fighting for the people or joining the already powerful Army and be selfish for their cause. Finally in Deus Ex you need to decide which is worth championing- discarding science development of human augmentation in accordance to the purist belief of human-as-it-is or pushing and supporting it for the better future of humanity.

And dalam semua game tu, SEMUA pihak main politik. Untuk kebaikan rakyat, untuk kebaikan diri sendiri dan kumpulan sendiri. Dan tiada satu pun yang salah. Setiap side ada kebenarannya.

You pernah main tak game2 ni? Tak kan? Takpe, bukan wajib pun. Kalau nak main, mainlah. I guarantee you that they are 100x more beautiful, more conflicts, more drama and more entertaining than the textbook and Hollywood movies.

Jangan suruh aku bukak surah gaming experience aku, boleh buat buku jadinya, haha.

Anyway, balik pada isu asal.

Don't be a blind preacher. Preaching his words that he believe in but without learning/seeing the audiences. Kalau anda betul nak berdakwah politik anda pun, pastinya bukan dengan membabi buta melabel orang lain sebagai loser/ otak kosong/ perosak masa depan negara. And please, respect other opinions. I use soft words, in fact I didn't attack anyone in detail, still you came and bombard me. Kamu fikir, dengan cara begini maka orang ramai akan ikut kata kamu? Reminds me of the ustaz2 ustazah2 yang maki hamun mereka yang tak solat atau tak sehaluan dengan mereka.

Haih...politik fanatik.

And yet, they wonder why the hell the youth hate politics.

-The End-

Undefined

Perpustakaan UKM

Selaku seorang pelajar UKM, maka hendaknya memang paling tidak kurang pun sekali anda akan masuk ke library UKM tu- Perpustakaan Tun Sri Lanang a.k. PTSL. Personally aku memang kerap ke sana untuk macam2 tujuan ranging from study, baca newspaper, baca magazines, baca buku history, lepak, rasa aircond dan buat assignment.

Lobi utama, aras 4

Ruang study, aras 5

Honestly, aku sangat selesa dengan PTSL ni. Besar, banyak meja, sejuk, selesa, banyak sofa, semua ada lah. Tapi ada satu rule, yes satu saja rule yang aku tak berapa berkenan.

Peraturan larangan membawa masuk beg ke dalam library.

I don't know whether other libraries do have this same rule, but nevermind lets focus to this PTSL first. I tried to play logic reasoning with my mind. "Kenapa tak boleh bawak masuk beg?" The first possible reason that pop in my mind is- to prevent users from smuggling in foods, chocolates, nasi lemak, sandwiches and drinks into library. Of this, I can accept. Based from my past experience during 1st year dulu, memang banyak bekas2 makanan ditinggalkan atas meja dalam library (mostly meja yang personal-ada penghadang) and if i'm not wrong the 'no bag' rule doesn't exist yet at that time.

So, back to present.

Now, it is quite different. You can bring in bag/s only if you have laptop inside it. Okay it is understandable, takkanlah nak usung laptop dengan mouse dengan wayar berjurai2 masuk library. But you cannot bring in bag without laptop into the library. Even if you had 3 thick books and bound of papers to bring in, still can't use your bag. Ini masalahnya.

For me, larangan beg ini menyusahkan pengguna yang genuinely nak study dalam PTSL tu. Untuk mengelakkan makanan diseludup masuk? Petugas di pintu masuk PTSL ada screen every bag yang dibawa masuk and there's a box filled with chocolates/nasi lemak/drinks that were hold on from being smuggled in. So, apa masalah lagi dengan bawak beg berisi buku/ kertas sahaja?

"Mungkin nak elakkan dari orang curi buku kot..?"

Lojik, tapi tak di PTSL. Sebab seingat aku, pernah ada sorang awek bersama 2 rakannya nak keluar dari PTSL, and bila lalu dekat sensor gateway tu, alarm berbunyi. Rupanya dia lupa nak scan dan sahkan buku yang dia nak pinjam. Jadi, taakulan curi buku adalah hanya remotely logic here.

"Mungkin alat sensor tu rosak kot..?"

Amboi, dah nak habis satu sem, tak repair2 lagi? Kalau ya rosak pun, mesin pemulangan buku automatik yang model baru boleh ada? Haha, yang buatkan aku lagi geleng kepala tak paham, kenapa abang kaunter depan tu tak cek handbag gadis2 yang besar gabak tu? Pengalaman lalu bila masuk library dengan gadis2- dalam beg tu penuh dengan foods/chocolates/ drinks. Ouh ye saya faham... beg tangan adalah termasuk dalam list privacy gadis2. Tak boleh dikacau.

So...thats the story. I cant seem to think any other possible reasons for this 'no bag' rule. Aduan? I had asked the 'security officer' kat kaunter depan skali tu. Dengan muka tak bersalah he just pointed his finger to the 'no bag' logo. Like a boss...like a boss..

Memang ada dah insan2 yang buat aduan bertulis, siap terpampang dekat ruangan Maklumbalas Pengguna lagi. Ada sorang tu, compalin lebih kurang gini ar,

"Salam. Saya hairan dengan peraturan beg ini. Tanpa beg, memang sukar kami yang tak gunakan laptop tapi nak bawak masuk buku/kertas/fail/kotak pensel untuk kedalam library. Mohon pihak library ubah atau sekurangnya jelaskan."

Jawapan dia?

"Beg untuk yang ada laptop. Bla3...bla3...(last sentence baru dia jawab soalan)- kalau saudara ingin bawa masuk kertas/fail/buku/kotak pensel silalah masukkan ke dalam beg laptop."


........


That means back to square one. Ambik buku apa bagai tu, masuk dalam beg Acer, than masuk PTSL. Sampai kat kaunter depan tu, kena cek. Then with poker face, that security officer will say- "Takda laptop, beg kena tinggal kat luar."

Selain dari wajib bawak laptop dalam beg untuk baru lepas kaunter security guard tu,

Solutions, please?

Random Scribblings

It's wonderful when you are given another chance to live here with blessings from the God and quids that are generously passed on to me for my daily use. With that extra money, I planned to buy one exercise tool that is common- dumbbell. I'd like a full set dumbbell, which I can easily adjust the weight on it. Maybe around RM200, still an affordable price for me.

My interest and determination

Unfortunately, Tuhan menduga kita.

Just a day before the planned day to buy the thing, suddenly my beloved mp3 went crazy. Totally irrepairable (100% confident, 40% doubt), i forked out rm200 for a new one. I cant live (normal) without my mp3. So, that's one dugaan.

Exactly the same model, same colour as here

Then came another one.

As I bought a new cooling fan for processor of my PC, sudddenly my motherboard gone crazy. Damaged , out of nothing. Forrkkk. Maka adanya aku pergi ke Mines mencari mobo baru. Tak ada stok. Gigihkan ke Lowyat. Tak ada stok. Forrrrrkkkkkkkkkk. Yang ada cuma AM3+ punya model. Celakalah.

Mahu ditukar kepada AM3+, bermakna RAM dan processor pun wajib ditukar. At minimum I need a huge amount of money, around RM700. Rm700 for God's sake!!! So balik dengan muka masam dan susah hati. Mana mahu ku cari ganti?

Not as great as this

I know, some of you might label me as whinging and poyo syial. I know its a lot of money but hey that's the reality when you have a desktop.

So...I turn to (actually, sepanjang proses PC memang selalu) Arif. Luckily, out of nowhere there is a guy wanting to sell his old mobo. Pendek cerita, semalam beli lah mobo tu, specs dia lebih kurang sama dengan yang lama punya. Doesn't mind, as long as my PC is breathing again.

Dugaan lagi, melanda.

Rupanya2 tak boleh main terus. I don't really understand, but the mobo needs my system to be reformat again before being used. Damn damn damn damn. 1.5 terra punya isi kot dalam tu. Subhanallah. Apapun, masih menunggu engineer Arif untuk pulang dan menerangkan masalah ini kepada aku dengan lebih lanjut seraya menyelesaikannya.

In all, ini namanya sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. Atau, malang tak berbau. Siapa sangka, dari bajet belanjawan yang sepatutnya hanya rm400, tiba2 menjadi rm600. Itupun, dumbbell terpaksa ditangguhkan (hari2 masuk gym, dumbbell sana memang ada). Jikalau tiada duit ihsan dari kerajaan, jadi besi buruklah PC aku ini.

Jadi, it sounds stupid right? When the money expenditure seems to be in control, something went AWOL and blow everything off its place. Shit happened. Anyway, syukur sebab masih mampu untuk hidup.



*still, tadi main Tekken 6 kat Mines. Win like a boss. Just need 2 credits for half an hour survival and jadi champion there, hahahahaha.*

Hurt

I'm greedy, impatient and selfish. And sometimes, syiok sendiri. I'm sorry.

Need to contain myself more.

Kenapa?

Semalam saya sangat gigih. Pergi jogging juga even perut macam half filled milo tank. Gigih juga, tapi macam biasa bersemangat sebab ada peneman setia - Sony Mp3.

Tetapi pada hampir hujung sesi joging, dia buat hal.

Secara tiba2 dari play lagu, dia tukar pada voice recording. Langkah jogging perlahankan. Menyemak keadaan mp3.

Masih tak habis2 dengan recording. Langkah diperlahankan lagi.

Mp3 tiada respons. Langkah terhenti.

Forks. Dibelek2 mp3 ni. Tiada jalan, tiada ikhtiar. Hati mula gelap.

Esoknya, setelah fully charged, dibelek lagi. Mp3 jadi stuck dan auto off bila sampai ke menu utama.

Oh no.

Tiada lagi peneman di Library.

Tiada lagi peneman di tika berlari.

Tiada lagi peneman di waktu menunggu KTM.

Tiada lagi peneman kesunyian pada masa perjalanan bas.

..........What should I do? Buy a new one? Money, money, money, money. Dear Lord tell me please?

Kenapa mesti kau rosak?

X Japan

*asalnya, nak tulis tentang cannibalism, tapi hold on dulu lah. Tunggu habis baca buku tu dulu. Setakat half pun dah horror, nanti kalau finished baru best buat entry*

WE ARE X!!!!

Aku ni seorang peminat muzik. Muzik yang pelbagai. Dari rock, techno, pop, ballads, clubbing, metal, nu-metal, nasyid sampailah ke oldies zaman 50an dulu. Semuanya aku layan dan enjoy kalau sedap dan sesuai dengan taste aku. Jadi antara artis2/band2 kegemaran aku (to name a few) adalah Guns N Roses, Queen, Elvis, Blur, Judy and Mary, Larc en Ciel, Glay, System of a Down dan macam2 lagi. Tapi!! Ada satu yang stand in his own class, which is

X JAPAN

I believed that many of you don't know who the hell are they. Ok, untuk pengetahuan lanjut, sila baca dari ensiklopedia percuma ni. Tapi untuk pengenalan kecil2an, bolehlah aku cerita sikit2.

X Japan ni adalah band metal di Jepun yang mana diketuai oleh Yoshiki (drum, keyboard) dan disertai oleh Toshi (vokal), Hide (guitar lead), Pata (guitar) dan Heath(bass). Pengasasnya adalah Yoshiki dan Toshi, bermula sewaktu mereka masih lagi budak sekolah. Bermula dari situ, mereka mula mencipta muzik yang pelbagai dan mengikut zaman. Akhirnya, band ini berpecah pada tahun 1997 sebab Toshi buat perangai. And the next year, Hide was dead accidentally in his home, leaving thousands of fans in tatters. Tapi ini bukan sad ending. Tahun 2007, they decided to reunite and up till now they are still alive and kicking, even umur dah 40 lebih.

muka dah kedut2. tua dah.

Now, you may ask this question: what's so special about them?

Hehe, the answer is: their music. X Japan, they start as a trash/metal/apanamatahakutaksure band. All their earlier songs are headbanging songs. When I say headbanging, I mean a lot and serious headbanging. Then as they grew matured, they experiment and started to write various other kind of songs. From trash, they went to rock, pop, nu-generation and even ballads.

And they are the band who knows how to make beautifully arranged melodies combined to become a song. They are not the type of verse-chorus- verse band. Susah nak cerita..tapi lagu2 diorang memang feel dia macam satu journey, ada naik- turun- flat- menjunam dan naik balik. Ha paham kan? Selain tu!!! Ini satu2nya band yang tahu macam mana nak combine rock music dengan piano dan orkestra. Seriously, listening to X Japan is a different experience to listening to other band.

Antara sebab lain, adalah kerana Yoshiki adalah sangat kool. Yes appearance dia waktu muda2 dulu (gaun, jubah, muka mekap/lipstick, rambut panjang) memang pmpuan (well, semua band Jepun macam tu pada masa tu- Visual Rock weih), tapi bila dia main drum dan piano-dia lah lelaki paling cool dan macho. Especially pada zaman album Dahlia. Serius bagi aku, dialah drummer termacho dan tercool di alam semesta.

Coolest pianist in the www.

Tak dapat nak imagine, takpe Youtube ada.

For example, let me give you one ultimate trash/headbanging song of theirs. It is Kurenai. This is my favourite headbanging song. Complete melody, long guitar solos and great drum play (drum play faveret aku).

The most catchy rock song of theirs is this- Rusty Nail. Just plain catchy with beautiful piano and orchestra interlude in the middle of the song.

And the most touching ballad is this masterpiece- Tears. Just a masterpiece. The song flow is really perfect, from low mood and it rises as the song builds up. Actually this song is really poetic and meaningful, written by Yoshiki about his father who committed suicide. Cuba korang stop whatever you're doing, play this song and layan the lirik. Then you'll understand.

Haha tu lah serba sedikit yang boleh aku share. Ada banyak lagi band2 Jepun faveret yang lain macam Judy and Mary, Luna Sea, Larc en Ciel, Glay, Orange Range dan etc2 tapi X Japan tetap nr 1. Oh yea, Yoshiki ni memang otak business. Dari band entah apa2, dia berjaya buat label record sendiri, groom band2 baru untuk naik (antaranya- Luna Sea), buat side project, collaboration, dan even Hide's death pun (presumably) he milked it. Sampai ada konsert2 Hide Summit la bagai. Hahahaha.

Setakat ni, aku tak pernah fail bagi kawan2 aku dengar dan layan lagu X Japan. Yang lelaki akan minat dengan Rusty Nail dan Kurenai, yang perempuan akan minat dengan Tears, Without You dan Forever Love. Just prove you how strong their music are.

Jadi kalau ada orang tanya aku samada aku layan lagu korea tak, aku jawab X!! Hahaha~serius, aku biasa dan minat lagu macam ni, macamana aku nak suka lagu2 techno superficial yang sampai suara pun edit habis dengan komputer, haha. Jangan kata aku tak cuba, I tried already but not compatible with me. Jadi, apa kata korang pulak cuba. Rambut dan muka dah hampir sama kan Jepun dan Korea ni, haha?

Father To Son

Selalu apabila aku lepak2 dengan kawan2 kat mapley, maka masing2 akan bukak story, saja nak sembang2. Ada yang cerita pasal bola, ada yang cerita pasal teater, ada yang cerita pasal korea, ada yang cerita pasal Twilight, ada yang ngadu kisah jiwang, ada yang gosip, ada yang cerita pasal kolej/kuliah, ada yang cerita pasal kenangan lama. Bila kenangan lama tu, akan ada yang cerita pasal apa peristiwa2 menarik terjadi masa kecik2 dulu.

Aku tergolong dalam golongan cerita kenangan lama kecik2. Nostalgik punya manusia ni.

Apa2 saja kenangan lama kecik2 dulu yang terlintas dalam minda time tu, aku akan cerita. Kebanyakannya, pasal family. Story about me playing with my brothers, story about me, story lah. Tapi bila diingatkan balik, kebanyakan dari cerita2 tu, ianya melibatkan my father. Pelik juga bila fikir balik, tapi mesti camtu. Cerita pasal main mainan tak simpan, satgi nama abah mesti keluar. Cerita pasal first time pergi sekolah, abah lagi. Cerita ni, abah lagi. Cerita tu, abah lagi. Hebat.

Ok, sedikit background introduction about my father.

My father, nama dia Zakaria bin Zainal Abidin. Lahir kat...Aloq Staq jugak rasanya. Sekarang ni his age is...59, 60 maybe? Ish tequk sungguh, umuq abah sendiri pun tak tau. He is the fifth child out of 11. Memang ramai, paling best bila balik raya zaman arwah Tuk Taq masih ada (Tuk Taq= Datuk yang di Alor Star). Hold on that story, later i tell you ok.

Sambung balik,

He is a teacher but at the same time he also join the army. Macam mana nak explain I don't know, but from my childhood memories I can still remember that during weekdays he went to school in the morning as a teacher and during weekends he will be off to the army camp. Kadang2 weekdays pun dia akan pergi camp juga. I don't really understand, but I can say that he worked hard, really hard. Then bila dah retire from army he juggled between teaching at school and pegawai jurulatih di Kem Kokurikulum Kem Singkir. Later on, he decided to be a full time jurulatih kat kem tu, sampailah sekarang sudah fully retired after extending 2 years of service.

Kalau kat rumah, abah ni style dia macam raja berdaulat sket. Whatever he says, that's what you have to do. He is the centre of the family. He decides what should/shouldn't be done. Kalau tak ikut, atau tak percaya, maka tak lama lagi something will happen to me. Haha bunyinya psycho sungguh, tapi betul wo!

Abah ni ex-army, jadi pengaruh army adalah sangat kuat dalam family kami. Sebagi contoh, rambut. Rambut yang panjang adalah super harommm~ dalam rumah ini. Kalau rambut tebal sikit pun, abah dah suruh pergi potong. Maka itulah sebabnya Ambu tukang gunting rambut dah kenal kami (4 sons, 1 father) sejak dari abang sulung aku kecik lagi. Tukang gunting rambut family kami lah senang cerita. Sekarang kalau balik umah nampak rambut panjang (actually,tebal), maka abah akan constantly tegur sampai aku pi gunting rambut. Nak makan nasi, "eyp,rambut tu panjang." Lepak ramai2 depan tv, "kandar, potong rambut.." Baru keluar toilet lepas mandi- "panjang rambut tu.." Ughhh constant pressure! Maka seadanya, aku akan pergi gunting rambut terus.

Then, kekemasan rumah. Selalu bila abah balik dari kerja (sekolah, atau kem army, atau kem ko-k) benda first yang WAJIB KEMAS adalah kasut depan rumah. Kalau dia sampai, nampak kasut teqabuq, ha mampos. Sila bersedia untuk kena marah/leter. Dan kerja susun kasut ni selalunya yang paling muda kena buat. Dari abang sulung Awi, pass pada Din, pass pada aku dan lastly pass pada Danial. Oleh kerana terlalu kerap menyusun kasut, aku berjaya menguasai hikmat 'kaki menyusur, kasut terakur!!' Meaning, susun dengan kaki adalah jauh lagi laju dari tangan. I know it's not polite, ampun~

Itu baru benda depan sekali-kasut kat pintu masuk rumah. Yang dalam rumah tak payah cakap lah. Ruang tamu kena kemas sentiasa. Kalau tengok dvd, habis je kena simpan balik cd tu. Terabur-tertinggal dalam dvd player, memang kena marah. My house don't have any cushion or sofa, so there's no worry for untidy sofa and pillows. Ada set tempat duduk, tapi versi kayu semuanya. Nice and classic. Pergi belakang lagi, akan sampai dapur. Haha bahagian ni memang favourite. Macam biasa, kemas sokmo. Haram sama sekali melihat pinggan/periuk/sisa/apa2 saja dalam sinki. Kena kosong selalu. Atas kabinet kena kosong atau at least tersusun. Kadang2 kena pada masanya, kadang2 abah suruh clear waktu mak tengah nak masak =_="

When I was a lot younger, I don't really understand the meaning/hikmah of all these. Why the hell kena susun kasut cantik2 sangat? Kena kemas rumah cuci calat padahal takde sapa nak datang pun? Haha~ as I grew older and mixing with community then only I understand why. Main reason- respect. People will respect you when you show you're worth it. Respect needs to be earned, not forced. And one of the ways to earn it is by keeping yourself clean and tidy. In this case, your house la. Make it look clean and tidy eventhough the house is small. "Biaq kemaih, cantik, selesa, baru orang respek", that's what he'd been saying for countless times. Mula2 aku rasa rimas-setiap kali orang datang maka kena angkat bantal, cawan dan biskut yang aku tengah makan kat depan tv. Tapi lama2, fahamlah. Itu juga one way of respecting your guest.

Same goes to personal appearance. Abah ni, kalau keluar rumah nak ke mana2 saja, pasti pakai seluar jeans, t shirt kolar bertug-in, kasut kulit hitam, stokin. Kalau kasut tu kotor sket, dia akan polish dulu. Rambut wajib sikat dulu, dan sikat letak dalam poket. Turun dari motor, atau sebelum keluar dari kereta, wajib sikat rambut seround dua dulu, hahaha. Aku percaya majoriti father lain bukan macamtu. Kalau tanya abah pasaipa smart sangat, he'll say "Nak jumpak orang kena smart."

Since it is his dressing code, that means it is our dressing code too. Kami 4 beradik diajar untuk berpakaian macamtu. If we are to go out for dinner, or anything, it is a must to apply to that dressing code. Kalau yang rebel sket, mungkin abang sulung aku kot. Tapi la ni dia pun sama gak..malah lagi style, haha. Jeans/trousers, shoes, socks, t-shirt (tug in) and neat hair. Selalunya when we were still boys bawah 10 tahun, abah akan tolong sikat. Sakit nak mapuh. Sikat bulat tu, dah la hujung2nya tajam! Pastu tekan dan tarik kuat2 pulak tu! Mau tutup mata menahan kesakitan! Bunyi time sikat tu, "prapp. prapp". Imagine weih!


*bersambung*

Looking Back

Yesterday an angel said that she had been re-khatam again my blog, i mean reading back the old posts. I asked her why, she said just for fun, and the feeling is unique and different. She suggested the entry on 1.01.11 for me to read again. Of course I didn't remember the content. So the first thing I do when I'm back to my room- open my blog and search that entry. Then here's the entry.

...Damn. Then I continue reading the next entry, next, next, next till March dated one. The conclusion I got- no wonder la my eldest brother said before that based from my blog I was very jiwa kacau awal tahun ni. Aiya~~gua pun pelik o. macamana boleh tulis itu semua entry lo? Gila sungguh time tu.

Memang betul lah, you'll laugh back when you read what you have written in the past.

Anyway, I am free from most of the jiwa kacau things now=)

------------------------------------------------------

Entah kenapa, makin lama aku makin malas untuk tulis artikel bincang benda serius. Not in the mood kot. Eh nanti, seriuskah artikel2 sebelum ni? Fork, syiok sendiri ada la. Haahahhaha!

Anyway, this is useless no point entry. Just feel like typing, not clicking the mouse, so here I am writing this crap. Maybe because, I still have the yesterday's happy happy happy day mungkin. Ah, so happy!

To end it, let's layan this cute jiwang song by my favourite Japanese band- Judy and Mary.

Scarred

Yesterday I just finished reading one shocking-brutal-sad-nokharom book entitled Scarred. Scarred yang bermakna Parut/ Terkesan selamanya/ Never healed wound/ whatever it is.

Buku ini, aku beli sewaktu event Big Bad Wolf pada satu masa dulu. Actually I am a person who is more interested in reading true story events rather than fictional stories. So, as I browsed through the biography book I saw this plain but soft cover of a book.

So, what's the big deal with this book?

It's the story life of a young fragile girl named Sophie Andrews who was constantly abused (sexually) by her father and her struggle to regain normal life through treatment at psychiatric hospital. Lastly, the challenges that await her when she was finally released to the outer world.

Honestly, buku ini sangat menyedarkan diri ini akan betapa gilanya human can be. Seorang ayah (ayah angkat) sanggup membesarkan anak dengan penuh kasih sayang (makanan, coklat, hadiah, game, toys, dresses) tetapi bila makin besar ayah tu sanggup cabul dan pergunakan dia untuk seks. Before, I used to get mad and labelled at all those emo group yang suka toreh tangan tu sebagai bodoh, tapi not anymore. In this book, Sophie had numerous times keep repeating on cutting and bleeding herself just to let the pressure and mind problems flow away.

Seriously, how could you feel better and less pressure by cutting and bleeding your legs, arms and stomach? Tak lojik kan? Tapi itulah kenyataannya.

Buku ini juga menceritakan tentang betapa pentingnya support from the society. In Sophie's case, she was extremely lucky to have a willing social community called Samaritan to listen to her problems whenever she felt like suicide, or at least, cutting herself. Without Samaritan, this book will never be published.

Story nya panjang. Dari zaman Sophie kecil, sampai ke usia 11 tahun. Then ayah dia mula cabul/ seks dengan dia. 16 tahun kena hantar masuk wad gila, kemudian keluar masuk wad, cubaan bunuh diri, kemudian kena cabul lagi dengan ayah dia (all caused by her blind faith to her father), and lastly menghadapi dunia luar. Jujur cakap, buku ini kalau dibaca akan membuatkan dahi anda berkerut dan stressssssssss!!!

You have to read this book. I strongly recommend you to do so. Lepas baca, you'll not look at those troubled girls as the same way before.

Sebagai penutup, I present you some excerpts from the book

Within a couple of weeks I had several blisters and cuts on my body. Dad saw them and I told him I'd hurt myself. I explained that it felt like a release, when things built up inside me.

Dad was fascinated. "You like hurting yourself do you?" he asked. I was puzzled by the excitement in his voice. But then he offered to help me, and I understood. He joined in, putting a cigarette out on me and saying, "Is that nice?"

That's why I blamed myself for so much that happened next. By hurting myself I was giving him permission to hurt me too- or that's how it seemed.

He had always liked blood, it excited him. He loved it when I had my period and always wanted sex then. But now he realised that he can make blood come whenever he wanted.

The first time he penetrated me with a knife I thought I would die. The fierce, burning pain was so bad that I prayed that I passed out, but I didn't. And as blood poured out of me Dad had sex with me, doubling the pain and damage being done to me.

Crazy, right?

To every girl struggling with their life out there, this is dedicated to you,

Sekarang Ini.

Sekarang ini, aku sudah masuk selangkah ke alam baru yang tak pernah aku alami sebelum ini.

Sekarang ini, aku sudah sedikit berbeza berbanding dahulu.

Sekarang ini, aku sudah mempunyai sedikit tambahan tanggungjawab.

Jujurnya, aku juga ada rasa ragu- ragu dengan kemampuan diri ini. Can I handle this? Will it affect me, dan dia juga?

So far, I'm doing great. In fact, I'm feeling and doing better. Hopefully, it will continue as it is. Wish me luck.

The New Challenge

I have a plan. A masterplan.

However sometimes life just didn't flow according to plan. Something happened, improvisation and adaptation is needed.

Nevermind, because I like the challenge. And of course, I'm very happy with it. I love it=)

-End of story-

Horor-scope

Yesterday me, Ijan, Ainul, Emi and Serdang went to Mines you know. We had a good time together, watched movie ( Don't Be Afraid of The Dark) eat, walk, jalan2, beli ext harddisk untuk Serdang, walk, jalan2, usya2 buku. Masuk kedai buku.

Then dalam kedai buku tu ada satu set jual patung teddy bear saiz keychain. Yang standard couple2 bagi kat pasangan masing2. Tapi keychain ni bukan sebarang (gaya Ainul) punya keychain. Bear tu badannya dibalut kertas yang mana kat depannya ditulis tarikh lahir, yang belakang badan ditulis perwatakan.

So, atas sebab curiousity, maka aku cari yang 13 Ogos. Fuchhh. Muka ganaz badan besar rambut tebal tapi duk belek patung brithday. Wadafakhh.

Jumpa patung yang tarikh 13 Ogos. Dengan kool aku baca (dalam hati)

"A kind and good hearted person. Willing to fill and help your friends need than yours first. Well like person. Great in friends relations but not in intimate relationship. You had more leader quality than you knew."

.....

-End of Story-

Raining and Lazing

She's cute, isn't she?

Reminds me of someone.

-End of Story-

When You Dress Like Them

*entry ni adalah hasil ransangan dari poster motivation kat dinding belakang kaunter & Zar Bakery, yang mana tertulis "WISDOM: He who ask a question may be a fool for five minutes. He who doesn't will be a fool in his entire life." Lebih kurang lah.*

Facebook telah menjadi tempat sebaran maklumat pada kadar yang tinggi dan cepat. Dari Freemason, Bersih 2.0, budak kena lenyek lori sampailah ke aweks gaduh rebut laki kat kedai kasut, Facebook telah berjaya menyampaikan maklumat dengan cepat selain menjadi medan sosial dan ngurat/stalk gadis2 dan jejaka2. Terima kasih Mark Zuckerberg.

So, aku terperasan satu benda ni. Kes hangat yang mula sem lepas kot..atau baru2 ni lah. Gejala (?) fesyen pemakaian tudung serupa dengan sister2 kat gereja. Pendek ceritanya, tengok gambar bawah.

Aku tahu siapa artis yang belah kiri dan kanan tu. Okay off topic, haha.

Aku jarang (atau tak pernah) tulis entry yang very religious oriented. Reason dia- sebab aku sendiri tak tahu secara arif dan menyeluruh tentang sesuatu hukum. Tapi gambar di atas buatkan aku terfikir sebentar. Yes memang famous satu hadis yang berbunyi "barang siapa yang menyerupai sesuatu kaum itu, maka ia termasuk golongan mereka."

Kemudian, aku ada baca satu artikel dari blog Dr. Maza. Agak panjang lebar, tapi dari apa yang aku baca dan fahami, beliau berkata term 'sesiapa yang menyerupai' itu merujuk pada sesuatu yang menjadi ciri special/khusus sesuatu pihak yang mana kalau ada orang (Islam) lakukan maka dia termasuk dalam golongan mereka. Contohnya, pakaian khusus agama lain/ upacara khusus agama lain jika seorang Muslim itu buat, maka dia termasuk dalam golongan itu.

Sambung beliau lagi,

Ertinya, menyerupai sesuatu yang khusus bagi agama tertentu seperti memakai salib, atau pakaian khusus paderi dan sami, atau amalan khusus agama tertentu seperti bertafakur di kuil dan seumpamanya adalah perbuatan yang haram. Jika ia diikuti dengan iktikad seperti mereka, maka dia menjadi kufur. Sementara, jika dia sekadar suka-suka, atau melakukan tanpa niat yang kufur, amalan tersebut tetap haram. Cumanya, ulama berbeza pendapat, ada yang menganggapnya telah kufur, ada pula yang menyatakan tidak, tetapi berdosa.

Now, the question is- gambar tudung yang kiri kat atas tu tidak khusus Kristian punya Nun bukan? Cuma understandably, pengaruh design macam ada. Jadi, how's the hukum? I know that the easiest possible answer to pop up will be "kalau tak pasti, tak payah pakai lah...takut2 bedosa, mana kita tau." But then, beradalah kita di takuk lama.

Mungkin ada yang tidak tahu bahawa Judaism (Jews), Christianity and Islam adalah actually 3 agama yang berasaskan pada one true God. So, lojiklah kalau konsep pemakaian 3 agama ini basically macam sama.

Kadang2 aku ter-simpati pada perempuan. Banyak sungguh larangan mereka. Sampai bertudung pun ada beware rules!! nya. Salute to all you Muslimah who wear Hijab! Korang memang warrior!

Dan kalau nak compare kesamaan, ini antara contoh lain yang sama dengan pakaian Islam.

Aku rasa kamu dapat tangkap maksud aku.

Again, ditekankan di sini yang aku bukannya alim ulama pandai agama pun. Cumanya kadang- kadang terasa curious and feel the urge to question the verdict for a better understanding. Tak bagus kalau selalu terima saja apa yang ditunjukkan tanpa periksa/kaji atau paling kurang analyse ngan minda dulu. Kalau ada part yang aku salah, feel free to correct me.

Anyway, thanks sebab baca. May Allah bless us all. Amin.

The Secret- The Power (and I know its dangerous?)

There's nothing impossible in this world. You are meant to have a good life. You are the magnet that pull everything towards you. You are the centre of your life. You have the ability to have anything you want.

All you have to do is imagine it, feel it, receive it. Imagine that you have it, feel that you already possess it. Feel the touch, the smell, the shape, the happiness of having it. Then you'll receive it. Don't burden yourself by wondering how it will come to reality. The universe have it's own way of delivering it to you. Just believe. Have faith.

Let yourself full of positive feelings, aura and thoughts. Don't think negative, throw away all negativity from your life, your mind. Because when you think of negativity even by denying it (i don't want to), actually you are calling it to you. So, embrace your life with love. Full of love. Love is the power that move the world. Love is the reason of all positive feelings in the world

Not to forget, be gratitude. Say thank you for everything that happen to you. Thank you for the food. Thank you for I am still breathing. Thank you for the friends that I have. Thank you for the money. Thank you for the service. Thank you for everything.

Less to forget, give more. Because what you give, you'll get back. And mostly, you'll get more than what you had given. Don't be selfish.

For this world revolve in the law of attraction.

.......................................................................................................................

Well, sounds familiar right?

Satu Hari Nanti

Bila disemak semula, dalam blog ni tak pernah pun aku cerita pasal mereka. I mean, directly. Tak pernah pun.

One day, I'll make one powerful entry about them.

Aku ada banyak cerita dengan mereka. Berkaitan mereka. Bersama mereka.

Sepertimana tagline dalam tv itu,

"Ini cerita kita"

Yes I have some cerita. A lot.

Serigala Besar Jahat (Epilog)

Semalam adalah hari terakhir event Big Bad Wolf Book Festival. Di samping menunaikan hasrat Cik Rohani yang teringin sangat nak pergi, maka aku telah berusaha untuk organize penjelajahan buku sekali lagi, buat kali terakhir. Nasib agak baik, kebetulan Syira, Pod dan Farah pun nak pergi juga, so berlima lah pergi dengan Proton Saga merah itu.

Tak perlu cerita pukul berapa bertolak makan kat mana isi minyak berapa ringgit pakai highway ke tak.

Sampai saja, dah beratur kereta nak cari parking kat area around dewan tu. Gila sungguh, baru 1030 pagi- 30 minit selepas waktu dibuka. Apapun, dengan muka tak sabar dan langkah laju2 oleh Rohani, buatkan kami yang lain agak mengah dan struggle. Tambah lagi untuk yang dah kali ke-3 datang, haha.

Ada lembaga hijau bersembunyi.

Ingatkan buku-buku akan habis 40%, tapi actually penuh sentiasa atas meja. Cuma ada certain2 genre yang dah makin kosong tapi diisi dengan genre lain macam..self help dah penuh dengan biography, new religion dah diisi dengan novels. Sekadar merapatkan saf.

Overall, customers ramai sungguh. Paling ramai antara 3 hari aku pergi. Mungkin factor weekend (Sunday) plus the last day of the event? Apapun, aku berniat untuk tidak memegang kotak kosong. Tapi niat cuma tinggal niat sajalah. Kotak kosong dipegang juga, buku dibeli juga.Lemah sungguh.

Lembaga hijau sudah tak mampu bersembunyi.



Seramai ini, dan ada meja yang sudah mula kosong.

Dua jam mabuk buku dalam dewan, cukuplah. Bayar, dan ready untuk balik. Masing- masing dengan buku masing- masing. Paling ceria? Cik Rohani. Penuh cahaya kebahagiaan. Dan berulangkali kata tahun depan kena pergi lagi!

For my part, 3 times of visits in space of 10 days was a good (silly?) act. Dalam 3 kali tu, every one of it i bought books, in abundance. Tak dapat nak lawan nafsu dan lojikal pemikiran "rm8 di sini dan rm 60 di MPH". Habis satu rak buku meja sebelah aku buat library mini. Nerdy and crazy yeah. But beautiful.

Yang paling kanan tu tak dijual di BBW.

Most of my books are humanities related topics and history(war, war experience, human side of war, journal, biographies and etc). To put it simple- non fiction lah. Ada saja novel fiction 2,3 buah tapi itu pun fiction based on topics that I like such as crusades and dynasties in China. Tak lupa ada juga buku self help/ motivation yang dibeli. Tapi 2 buku saja.

I like reading books about real life experience. Especially war related ones. Quite related with my passion in gaming before (Call Of Duty 4 and above) perhaps. I like to relate on what I saw in movies to games and lastly to real stories in the books. To get a clearer picture is always entertaining.

Right now I'm reading Behind The Lines by Andrew Carroll. This is one kind of a special book since it compiled hundreds of letters during the wartime period into it . Ranging from the 17th century till the latest (2006 if I'm not mistaken). You see, movies are (mostly) actions in perfections, games are utter pleasure from pure designated battlefield but this book tell you the real story of the soldiers. Yeah forgot to mention, letters by the soldiers of USA, Japan, Britain, India, Poland, Iraq, German and so on. No discrimation here.

Letters mostly about loves, endless hope, broken down men, battlefield situations, aftermath and (some) humors in the thick of madness. Some of the love stories inside are truly sweet, some are pure sadness. Read this book, and you know what I mean.

Well, that's one of the many books about war that I bought. Honestly, this fascination of war materials is the proof that I am hugely influenced by my father. And the lasting effect of playing war games, not to mention. For my father, I bought him another Elvis book. It's such a shame that my father and my abang sulung didn't have the chance to come to this event. I'm pretty sure they'll need a kereta sorong to put all the books that they'll buy if they happened to come.

A good son is a son who remember his dad even in good and enjoy time. A good sister is a sister who remember his brother even in good and enjoy time.

And for the next BBW event next year, if I have the time and means to do so I will come again. For this event is one true special bookfair I am not going to find it anywhere else in the world. Too precious to let it pass by.

At least now I have a bookstock for a minimum of one year reading materials in an extreme bargain price. I don't regret it. Not a bit. Money well spent.

When You See Life, You'll See Beauty

Alhamdulillah. Syukur pada Tuhan.


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Betul lah kata orang. Membaca membuka minda.

Minda yang tertutup adalah amat merbahaya kepada masyarakat. Penting sekali, kepada diri sendiri.

You can gain knowledge and lessons from other medium such as movies, documentaries, games and of course-experience. But in terms of input received,

Two hours of movies and documentaries can't beat 2 hours of reading books. Not to mention video games.

We all had been in dark times. We all. Even Nabi Muhammad (pbuh) himself was greatly put into strain test of resilience and above all- faith during his colourful life.

In the not so distant past, I was in one of my darkest period of time. My self confidence was low, my spirit was weak and I felt like floating around, aimlessly and carelessly. However,

All is not lost.

Precious advices from my brothers are the key to my revival (a bit too much perhaps?haha). I am lucky to have 2 lovely brothers with different personalities but one thing for sure- they do care about their younger brothers. Thank you my brothers. YENUWA!

And one of the thing that they said was, " Try to read books. Bangsa berjaya adalah bangsa yang membaca."

At first I was slow in starting it. Cuma fikir "ok pelan2 lah~." How wrong I was.

Reading can ease your mind. Reading can enlarge your view of the world. Reading can get you something new. Reading can motivate you. Reading can give you limitless possibilities. Reading is power.

But be aware, don't become a nerd whose life revolving only books, books and books. Be social, get mix with people. Stay healthy. Play sports. Satu lagi pesanan dari abang aku. Very true indeed. And don't forget your Tuhan.

Just yesterday I finished reading The Secret- The Power. My brother (and my young and vigorous professor) advised me (us, when we were in her class) to be careful with the book since it's like a pedang bermata dua. Boleh membawa kebaikan dan keburukan jika tidak berhati- hati. Jujurnya, buku itu sangat bermakna dan membantu dalam proses rehabilitisi saya.

The book suggest us to be full of gratitudes. It suggest us to be thankful for everything. It suggest us to be full of love and forgiving. It suggest us to throw away all the hatred and negative vibes in our hearts and feelings. It suggest us to give more. It suggest us to dream big, for it will surely come to reality.

Then from this book, I started to have a long look at myself. Some of my characters are negative while some are positives. At times, I was too pessimist and a doom-sayer type of person. The book said that if you think negative and feel negative, you'll get back negativity. So, I decided to change. Bit by bit. I'm no robot or angel.

I want to end the cold war with them. I don't want to drag my loved ones to endless dark tunnel. I'm ready to be submissive. I'm ready to be forgiving.

So much more knowledge I gained from reading. The Hizbullah party, the collection of letters through war period, the fictional novels that give extra creativity to my mind. All had contributed to me being grateful- for I am living in a peaceful period and having a comfortable life.

At last, I just feel relaxed and embracing new day with smiles and gratitudes. I want to etched this feeling here. Just as this song below played to me. Lovely.

Relax, take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. The future is not for us to worry, because today is what shaped tomorrow.

Review!! -Jerat

Lately (well, quite a few months actually) I am turning from a gamer to reader. Suka sangat baca buku- buku sekarang ni. Masalahnya, buku- buku Kimia susah sikit nak suka, hehe (perlu dibaiki, I know). Apapun, ini adalah review saya tentang novel Jerat karya Dayang Noor terbitan FIXI.

covernya bagi saya..style!

Sinopsisnya? Novel ini secara amnya menceritakan tentang seorang system integration manager bernama Shereen yang hilang ingatan setelah kemalangan (atau cubaan bunuh). Cubaan bunuh punya teori wujud sebab hari dia kena hentam kereta tu, dia sepatutnya masuk meeting untuk negotiate tender IT bernilai RM400juta. Dan malam sebelumnya, ada 2 insan yang berkait rapat
dengan tender itu juga dibunuh.

So, apabila hilang ingatan, habis segala benda yang lama dia lupa. Kepakaran ilmu IT sudah lupa, kawan sekerja pun dah tak kenal, musuh apatah lagi. Sepanjang di hospital, Shereen cuma kenal Tash, gadis rempit yang patah kaki dan ibunya serta ibu Shereen sendiri. Masa berlalu, Shereen kembali bekerja di syarikatnya. Tetapi, dia mula rasa sangsi. Wujud watak2 rakan sekerja (Adele, Rizwan, Yazid, Datuk Hassan) dan rakan nightlife (Melia) yang mana dia tak ingat sebarang memori antara dia dan mereka. Dalam kesangsian itu, dia juga sibuk membongkar kes seludup data sulit syarikat yang mana private and confidential. Makin lama, ingatan Shereen makin kembali. Bahaya mangkin menghampiri. Nyawa dia dan mereka yang rapat dengannya makin terancam. Dia perlu bertindak segera dengan memori yang tidak lengkap itu.

Fuh, panjang la pulak.

Ok, ini review peribadi saya pulak. One word- thriller. Serius thriller gila novel ni. Sebab Shereen tu tak kenal langsung semua watak lain yang ada kecuali mak dan kawan dia (Tash). So dengan tak berapa sihat, ancaman bunuh masih ada lagi dia kena pergi bekerja. Ada jugak kawan nightlife dia (Melia) yang nampak mencurigakan (dengan gaya hidup bebas serta seks bebas) yang mana ada terlibat juga dengan tender 400juta tu. Rakan sekerjanya Rizwan (juga bekas kekasih dulu) juga nampak misterius. Melia nasihat jangan percaya Rizwan. Rizwan nasihat jangan percaya Melia. Mana satu yang perlu percaya?

Selain tu, sejarah hidup Shereen tu sendiri juga penuh misteri. Kenapa Rizwan jadi 'ex-bf'? Apa kaitan Shereen dengan Melia? Apa kaitan Shereen dengan Adele? Apa kaitan Shereen dengan Datuk Hassan, Datuk Hasnor dan Pak Ya? Dan paling tak diduga, apa kaitan Tash dengan semua ni?

Oh lupa pula. Memandangkan penulis ini juga bekerja dalam bidang IT, maka novel ini basic mediumnya adalah IT. Penuh terma- terma IT yang saya tak paham. Kalau dalam English pun dah struggle, apatah lagi bila di- melayukan terma-terma IT ni. Kepada yang ada background komputer yang kuat mungkin dapat menghayati novel ini dengan lebih mendalam

One final advice, jangan expect ini cerita yang fairytale happy ending okay. Anda akan sedih dan terkejut dengan endingnya. Apapun, dari 5 bintang, buku ini saya beri 4 bintang!! Hahaha, serius best my friends. You should read this.